Yesterday was emotional for me.
God spent the morning speaking to me in a clear voice. We hardly settled into the service at church and God had already repeated himself FOUR times.
It started in the form of a morning facebook post from a friend who does not know about my sensitivity to sheep references: John 10:27- "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." Then a sheep reference in a prayer by our youth pastor, a verse in the passage we were studying ("Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd."), and then references to Psalm 23:6 by our Senior Pastor. Not to mention we were learning from Mark 6:30-44. God had already used this particular story from scripture (but in the book of Matthew) to speak to me a few months ago. It wasn't long into the sermon and I was weeping in the third row. God used every sentence to confirm in me all that he has planned for the next chapter. I was overwhelmed by God's love and grace. It might be a week or two before the message is available for free on iTunes but I intend to share it here when it is posted so you all can hear the voice of the Lord clearly to this moment in my life. If you have been following this blog for any length of time, the truth will be obvious to you for me.
Coming home emotionally drained and spiritually confident in God's plan for us, the warfare started. I blew up at my Love knowing I was being completely irrational. The flood gates of tears continued. The Enemy wasted no time at trying to knock cracks in the truth I knew was just said to me by the Lord.
"You know all that happened back there this morning? You can't trust that. Look around. You guys aren't even on the same page. How can you both be used by God when you don't have it all together?"
I knew that I knew that I knew it was not the voice of truth, but doubts were being stirred as my eyes were being brought back to my/our weaknesses.
But what he "meant for evil against me, God meant it for good." My Love and I are in a better place today and we continue to pray about our connection and communication as we prepare to make ourselves fully available to the Lord for his glory.
This morning we both woke up peaceful (me with puffy eyes). We prayed together about our future and for the needs of others who are weighing heavy on our hearts today. Then I opened up my God Calling devotional. You guessed it. It was spot on.
"Rely on Me alone. Ask no other help. Pay all out in the Spirit of trust that more will come to meet your supply. Empty your vessels quickly to ensure a Divine Supply. So much retained by you, so much the less will be gained from Me. It is a Law of Divine Supply. To hold back, to retain, implies a fear of the future, a want of trust in Me. When you ask Me to save you from the sea of poverty and difficulty you must trust wholly to Me. If you do not, and your prayer and faith are genuine, then I must first answer your prayer for help as a rescuer does that of a drowning man who is struggling to save himself. He renders him still more helpless and powerless until he is wholly at the will and mercy of the rescuer. So understand My leading. Trust wholly. Trust completely. Empty your vessel. I will fill it. You ask both of you to understand Divine Supply. It is a most difficult lesson for My children to learn. So dependent have they become on material supply they fail to understand. You must live as I tell you. Depend on Me."
Wow! I hear you Lord.
It was the perfect repetition after yesterday's sermon.
Then I opened up my One Year Bible to a passage meant for June 7th (I am making progress, people) and read about Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5. "[they] sold some property. He brought PART of the money to the apostles, but he claimed it was the full amount."
Um. Yes, Lord. Surrender it all.
Oh. I can't forget to mention that Acts 4:32 came up in my reading yesterday. God had brought it to mind earlier in the week and was repeating it again.
I get it. I get it.
Empty myself. Give all that I have.
Sigh. I couldn't be more confident in God's plan for us today. He is choosing to use me in my weakness so he will get all the glory. My job is to die to self, make myself completely available, and allow him to use all that I have even if it doesn't seem like enough to make an impact.
At the end of the sermon yesterday (which I hope you will listen to once I share it here), our Pastor mentioned something that really spoke to me. God blessed them with 12 baskets of leftovers after meeting all of the needs of more than 5,000 with just one boy's sack lunch, symbolic of one for each tribe and disciple. I am starting to realize that if I present God with an "empty vessel" not just "giving part" of myself, he can do with it what he wants. He can use me to provide for the needs of whomever he wishes. And He can choose to fill me with abundant blessings. I am struggling with that last part.
Please continue to pray for us. Pray for who God would have come live with us first. Pray for our willingness to be used. Pray for others to see God in all that we have as we surrender it to Him.
Yesterday we sang a song during communion that spoke to me loudly when I was pregnant with Babydoll. I know I wrote about it on my private family blog back then but I am too lazy to search for it now. The kids are stirring this morning. One part goes like this...
"I will not boast in anything, no gifts no power no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ, His death and resurrection.
Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give and answer.
But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom."
May God bless your day as you seek to live for his glory.