Wednesday, October 31, 2012


"It is a foolish woman who expects [another person] to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be; always ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision.  Such expectations put a [person] under an impossible strain."

-Ruth Bell Graham  

Friday, October 26, 2012

treatment for seizures

Babydoll's pediatric neurologist called us back today.  In the nick of time really because as of tomorrow, My Love is officially off of active duty and therefore unable to use the services at Walter Reed any longer.  Thankfully Dr. M told us we could continue to call him for medical advice on her case (apparently that is our right) even though he could no longer treat her.  He is such a great doctor.  I am so thankful that she was seen and was able to get some of the big stuff taken care of (ie. EEG and MRI) with military coverage.  The neurologist gave us a 90 day low dose prescription to treat the mild seizure disorder that he has diagnosed her with.  We of course asked what the risks might be if we didn't treat them at all considering she is mostly in our care and she could potentially grow out of them.  We have decided to treat her with medication after we consult with a local pediatrician as things get ironed out with My Love's new employment benefits.  If after a year on the treatment, she has had no seizures it is very likely she will grow out of them.  That is of course our prayer.  Thank you for following this journey with our Babydoll.  We are thankful daily for her good health and sweet spirit.

Monday, October 22, 2012

6 in 8

Yesterday we were sitting next to our old-new friends in church when 204 flashed across the screen.  We had just finished praying for a woman who was being sent to Israel with missions and were now continuing to sing in worship.  I leaned toward My Love and said, "That's her number," before climbing on the seats to get past the visiting couple from our California days who were now house hunting in our area.  I ran to the toddler nursery thinking our Babydoll had had another seizure but was greeted instead with vomit on the floor before entering into her Sunday School class.  "Where is she?" I asked.  "In the bathroom," someone answered amidst the chaos.  The missionary who was just on stage in the sanctuary was now in the hallway cleaning up my daughter's barf. 

Babydoll's sweet teacher (who was covered in toddler puke) was in the bathroom across the hall holding my daughter's hair back as she silently spit out her oatmeal breakfast into the toilet bowl.  Poor girl didn't even cry.  I returned to the service to tell My Love it was time to take her home.  I didn't even know what we should do about the lunch guests who were planning to follow us home.  I had set the alarm for 4am to get the crock pot minestrone going. 

Our pastor's wife M followed My Love and me out of the room.  She assumed Babydoll had had another seizure.  I was so touched by her awareness and care as we hustled Babydoll out of the building.  The color was draining from Babydoll's face.  My Love went to retrieve Brother and M got some plastic bags.  One for Babydoll's clothes and one to catch vomit during the car ride home.  Thankfully it wasn't needed.

Babydoll went straight to bed and fell asleep quickly once home.  That is when we knew she was really sick.  She usually tries to fight resting even if she doesn't feel well.  This illness was for real. 

Our old-new friends came to lunch anyway (we were so glad they chose to) and I even had time since we got home early to wash the sink full of dishes that I had left without guilt before leaving for church.  Lunch went great and we loved reconnecting with some faces from our past who God had replanted right where we are in this world.  Funny how He continues to give us a second chance with would-be friends.  We have so much in common.

Babydoll woke from her after church nap just before our guests were getting ready to leave.  She seemed like her spunky self.  About an hour later we found Babydoll on her bathroom floor having slipped in her own diarrhea while vomitting on her teal circular bath mat.  Poor girl.

A couple of hours after that when I left Babydoll in good hands with her Daddy to help a friend in a time of need, it happened.  Babydoll had seizure #6 in 8 months.  No fever present.  This one looked different though.  My Love was nearby but distracted and only noticed what was happening after any possible convulsions.  She was lying on the couch in a weird position with eyes staring off and rolling with drool coming from her mouth.  I guess I made the bold "illness without seizure" praise too soon on Facebook.  But we choose to be thankful God even when none of this seems to make sense.

We put a call into her neurologist this morning.  We hope to hear back in a few days.  Since My Love's military medical benefits end on Friday, I am hopeful the Dr. checks his messages before the end of the week.  Not exactly needing her to be seen by him just hoping he can give us some medical advice about what (if anything) we should do next in Babydoll's care.  Seizures have been present with illness and without.  Seizures have been present with fever and without.  Keep praying for our little girl.

Thankfully the stomach bug has passed and no one else is showing signs of symptons yet.  But as my friend J pointed out to me over a year ago, we can even be thankful for vomit.  God is always good. 

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

colors are changing

Life has been busy.  Our second round of fall visitors has ended and we are gearing up for ten more days home together as a family.  That is right, people.  After already 9 1/2 weeks of terminal leave, My Love will be returning to full time work again soon.  It makes me laugh now to think back to how worried I was about this season approaching.  "He might mess up our routine and stress me out," was one of my biggest concerns.  Yes, there is no way I could have known the journey God was preparing to walk us through but I am so thankful for the memories we have been able to make and the relationship we have worked on rebuilding.  God is good all the time.  I don't want this chapter to end.

The weather has been gorgeous here and we marvel at the changing colors on the trees as we draw closer to a change in our own family season.  We will likely never get such a large chunk of time again so we are trying to cherish every day left.  We spent some of it site seeing with visiting relatives and some of it doing projects around the house/property.  He has been always around for the last 67 days and it might take some getting used to to return to long work days and living for the weekend.  But alas it can't stay "summer" for ever.  It is time to move forward trusting and knowing that God has a plan for our future and we are blessed to follow him in obedience.

If you are in the camp that is praying for My Love during this time of transition, thank you.  There have been some more work related disappointments that have kept him on his toes.  Please pray that God gives him peace in the unknowns (that are out of his control) and that My Love would be quick to say "Yes, LORD!" when/if doors start to close. 

I hope to get back to writing again soon after I get through mounds of overflowing laundry baskets.  I packed away the Bundles' summer clothes and poor Brother didn't have any clean pants to wear this morning.  Pajamas all day it is!

Monday, October 8, 2012

weak then strong

Yesterday morning I read this in God Calling:

"Yes! I know all.  Every cry for mercy.  Every sigh of weariness.  Every plea for help.  Every sorrow over failure.  Every weakness.  I am with you through all.  My tender sympathy is yours.  My strength is yours.  Rejoice at your weakness, My children.  When you are weak then am I strong.  Strong to help, to cure, to protect.  Trust Me, My children.  I know all.  I am beside you.  Strong, strong, strong to save.  Lean on My Love, and know that all is well."

At the bottom of that reading led me to this scripture:

"Have you not known?  Have you not heard?  The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.  He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.  Even youths shall fall and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." -Isaiah 40:28-31 ESV

And then we went to church and we sang this song (written based on Isaiah 40) in worship to our God:

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord

Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles

It only took me until the end of the day yesterday to really take to heart what God was repeating for me a day after I was wallowing in my weakness.

"You are weak.  I am strong. You are WEAK.  I am STRONG.  You NEED My strength.  I am here.  Use it.  Fill yourself up with me DAILY.  Your weaknesses are present to show you your need for My strength.  My perfect and complete strength.  Strength that is more than enough to fulfill your weaknesses.  You are not alone."

Not in so many words of course. 

Are you feeling weak/weary/faint today?  Are your weaknesses (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) staring you in the face overwhelming you?  Rejoice in your weaknesses because in them He is made strong.  His strength will rise as I wait upon the LORD today.


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

his work update

My Love has been home from work for seven weeks now.  Seven.  Where has the time gone?  I remember feeling panicked thinking (before his leave started) about him lingering around the house messing with our routine while stressing me out.  God knew better.  He knew that we would need this time to work through some hurts in our relationship and come to a place that was more united than in years past.  Things still aren't perfect but our communication and affection for each other have grown.  I wish he didn't have to go back to work at all.

Over the past several weeks, My Love has managed to get a lot done around here.  He is a to-do list man.  If he writes it down it usually gets done right away.  This method has its pros and cons.  I'll leave it at that.  One major pro being that it probably would have taken months to accomplish all the projects he has managed to get done so far.  With just around four more weeks left in his terminal leave (*sniff*), I think I can come up with a few more house ideas to keep him busy.

These past several weeks have been a huge gift.  We have had constant family time and less day to day stress than usual.  What I feared would spin me out of control actually proved to be something sweeter than I could have imagined.  God is good.

During this "down" time, My Love has been busy carrying the burden of needing to provide for our family eventually.  We trust that God led us down this path to leave active duty, but as his last day draws closer the unknowns of his future are keeping My Love understandably a little shaken.

He had/has a job lined up with the same employer as a civilian.  They offered him less money than he was expecting or thought he deserved.  They didn't budge during negotiations.  During the same week (while family was visiting), My Love learned that the reserves don't have a place for his rank in his current career field.  Doh!  Oh yeah and the colonel he had asked to do his promotion ceremony got called into another meeting and he had to scramble the day before to set someone else lined up.  Breathe, My Love (who doesn't read this blog)!  It seemed like several first-world disappointments were piling up on the poor guy who frankly has ALWAYS had things go his way.

Needless to say God is working in a huge way in my husband during this change of seasons.  Perhaps for the first time he is leading him by the hand while I follow closely behind.  He is seeking to know the big picture as he trusts God to show him which doors he is closing and which are just speed bumps to teach him to trust in Him completely.

Ultimately God knows where he wants My Love to be.  It may not look the same way My Love has planned it but that is okay too.  Sometimes as Christians we think if we are faithfully praying about something that it will eventually go the way we think it should.  We have to remember though that this life is not really about us at all and sometimes doing the hard thing is that which will best bring God glory.  And no, I don't think there is anything in the disappointing scenarios above that would even remotely be described as the "hard thing".

Please add My Love to to your laundry list of prayers for my family.  Making life changing decisions for your family can be draining.  Many thanks.

scan update

We got a voicemail from the neurologist today.  Both the EEG and MRI were clear.  No signs of anything that would cause concern.  Praise God!  We don't exactly know what this means though.  She could never have another seizure again (which is what we pray for).  But her doctor does think if she continues to have seizures particularly ones without the presence of a high fever, we should consider treatment options.  We will probably have a follow up appointment with the neurologist soon.  Thank you so much for the many prayers.  Babydoll is doing well when she isn't driving us crazy the way healthy two year olds tend to do.

Monday, October 1, 2012

MRI this morning

She left this house with a bright smile at 5:15am.  The hood of her pink light weight jacket hugging her cheeks and just a few tufts of long blond hair were peeking out the front.  She was wearing her hello-kitty back pack full of some of her current prized possessions (to include stuff from goody bags that she brought home from two kiddo birthday parties on our street this weekend) as she walked out the front door to take a ride on this chilly fall morning with Daddy.  I caught a glimpse of her bowed face as he prayed and she held each of our hands next to her.  And her lips.  I watched closely her lips as she articulated each syllable of her night-night song last night while touching her Daddy's face and singing into his eyes.  "We should record her singing that," My Love said as we tucked her in to bed.  Sigh.  The moments are slipping away and yet this day feels divinely planned.  I told him I would probably go back to sleep after seeing them off but who can sleep on a day like this.

My Love is taking Babydoll in for her sedated MRI this morning.  They hope to get a better look inside to see what might be the cause of her seizures.  The appointment is at 7am but they will likely be there most of the day.  "You have to send me regular updates," I make him promise.  But of course I know things get busy while at the hospital and the cell connection might be bad...  So I wait.  Wait to hear how she did and if they would take her at all and what the scan results will show.  I know she is in good hands--the hands of her Maker. 

She is so brave.  I know she will do well because she does (most) all things well.  She is her Daddy's girl to the core and will find great comfort in his arms.  She smiles big as she leaves this morning because she has been promised ice cream on the ride home.  Who wouldn't be excited about the doctor if it came with guaranteed treats?  She is so trusting and unafraid.  I hope she returns home feeling that way.

Babydoll will be sedated for the 45 minute procedure.  They will monitor her for a few hours as she wakes up from it.  I do wish I could be there with her but I know this is the day the Lord has made.  You see, her original appointment was scheduled for last Friday.  My Love's parents were here visiting and had planned on spending their last day in town with Brother so we could could be with Babydoll at her MRI.  Their willingness to help us in this way was such a gift.  We don't live near family.  But Thursday the call came.  A staff member was going home sick and would not be available to do the sedation the following morning.  Surprisingly the news didn't frustrate us (even piled on top of some other disappointing news last week).  The postponed appointment now gave us a full bonus day with the in-laws and also allowed me to make the drive north that night to be present for my good friend's talk about her month spent in Haiti doing missions this summer.  I had so wanted to go but didn't think we could manage after a day spent at the hospital with Babydoll.  After I hung up with the doctor, I couldn't help but think about Proverbs 16:9 (yes I had to look up the actual scripture reference) that reads, "We can make our plans but the Lord determines our steps."  Our original plans were not bad.  But what is often our attitude when He "determines our steps"?  In this particular situation we were thankful and accepting.  That is not always the case (ie. previous disappointments met earlier in the week). 

Unfortunately this change of plans leaves me at home away from her bedside.  But alas I am reminded I am not in control and sometimes it is good for me to literally be out of control.  Brother and I are going to have a fun day here together.  He needs that one on one time.

This morning we pray for the staff that will be present today (that perhaps would not have been scheduled to be there on Friday).  We are asking God for them to be able to complete the procedure (as Babydoll woke with hives yesterday morning and we hope they won't turn her away for the rash she is still sporting this AM).  We pray the results will be clear and definitive and perhaps able to support the thought that they are just febrile seizures and not something more complex.  We lift all of this and more to our listening Lord knowing full well that he will determine our steps today and into her future.  Now if only we could be quick to apply/remember Proverbs 16:9 when thinking about other unknown areas of our lives today...

Thank you for your prayers, friends.  We feel them.  Stay tuned for MRI updates.