I am overwhelmed. My mind is mush and my body is exhausted from all the mental acrobatics going on. God has been playing back so many moments in my life lately to show me that he was always leading me to this place. He was patiently waiting for me to completely surrender so he could use me for his purpose.
A post I wrote in February (at The Long Story) came to mind today. As I searched for it, I saw other post titles jumping off the page at me. God had been laying the ground work for bigger things by working in other areas of my life. The story all pointed to this moment. When I found the one I was looking for, I read it now seeing a whole different meaning. Words that God used back then to communicate areas of my heart he wanted me to submit to him now seemed to have greater depth.
Recent conversations with loved ones have been reeling through my head as well. Sisters telling of their perspective of me as child. Friends recalling their first impressions that were not good. As the pieces fit together, I see the picture of my life much more clearly now.
My Love and I have been praying for many people this year. We have been so blessed to watch God work in the lives of several who are living their lives in service to Jesus. The spectrum is broad. Missionaries to Spain and Israel. Parents with a heart for adopting orphans in Africa. The list goes on. As I join them in prayer, I have come to really understand one thing. This is their particular life passion. I do not feel called to international missions. But I pray for those who are sent. I do not have a desire to adopt children into my family. But I pray for those who do. It makes me no less of a Christian. It just makes my passion and purpose different. I am excited and edified to see them living their every day lives for Jesus. What am I doing?
It is not like some are called to enter the mission field and others are meant to adopt the lonely while the rest of us just sit around and work our day jobs waiting for Jesus to return. No way. Our lives are not our own. God created you for a purpose. He created me for a purpose. I am not sure I could say that before. I mean, I probably would have said some of my strengths and spiritual gifts but I don't think I would have known what God was really using me for. You know why? Because I wasn't letting him. I was telling him what and when and how I wanted to serve him. It became all about me. I might have looked at the missionary and adoptive parent and wondered where all that passion came from. I understand a little better now. It is beyond themselves. It is knowing complete surrender and letting Him use you in your weakness.
As I have prayed for these friends and many others, my relationships with them have deepened. I have come to realize that even though they know their calling, they are not perfect. They do not have it all together. God has not completely removed their insecurities and fears and weaknesses. They have just made themselves available and he is able to use them for exactly what he created them for.
To be continued...
I am overwhelmed.