Thursday, March 8, 2012

who are you?

I won't lie.  My four year old son has been running me ragged lately.  He challenges my every word and chooses defiance over obedience.  Sometimes I just look at him and ask out loud (or in my head), "Who are you?"  I feel like I tell him over and over again that when Mommy/Daddy gives him an instruction he needs to obey it.  Not give excuses or delay in response or pretend he doesn't hear me or offer a better idea or negotiate consequences or get distracted.  Sigh.  Just listen and obey.

While I was particularly frazzled while trying to take them out on a fun adventure, I realized something big and my heart sank.

He is four.

I am thirty.

And God tells me over and over again that he has a purpose for my life.  He wants me to listen to and obey his word.  He has proved himself faithful and worthy of my trust.  And yet I defy.  I want to see the big picture and I question his plan.  I give excuses and delay in response because I think I know better.  I sit silently pretending I didn't hear that instruction because I know it might hurt.  I try to negotiate a better idea because I feel out of control.  I think my plan is more thought out.  I wiggle in my chair and get distracted by whatever idol I give my focus to above him in this moment.

He tells me to trust him.  To listen to him.  To obey his words.

And I fail.

Suddenly I am thankful for my four year old boy.  I mean, of course I am.  But today I am reminded that My Father never gets frazzled or run ragged by my 30 years of disobedience.  The Holy Spirit breathes peace and patience.  He never looks at me with his head tilted and asks, "Who are you?" but rather says, "I made you so trust in who you KNOW that I am!"


His grace is overwhelming.

1 comment:

tommysmommy said...

have you read give them grace by elise fitzpatrick yet? i think it would speak volumes to you!! it's all about showing our kids grace because we have have been shown so much grace from God. it teaches us mama's to be reminded of who we are, sinners, forgiven by God, as we look at our children and their sin. this situation totally reminded me of the book. it's a great one!! it's challenging. read the last chapter first otherwise you'll get overwhelmed with the first couple of chapters. she does a beautiful job of summarizing the whole book in the last chapter!