Tuesday, May 15, 2012

before we can see the other side

We lied in bed tonight taking turns praying out loud in the dark.  (Of course I can't sleep now.)  My heart was weighing heavy with hurt and my mind was racing with all the words I wish I could say.  Tears came bursting out as I spoke to My Lord while being held in My Love's arms.  It is not about a fracturing earthly relationship anymore.  God wants my attention and he has it fully.  It feels incredibly convicting to know that you are NOT being the Love of Jesus to even one person. Should I be consumed with hurt feelings and questioning the heart of the messenger to justify my selfishness further?  I choose to seek the face of God instead.  I hear messages of "wait on me" and "be calm" but I guess there was more to be said on the other end in a second email.  Perhaps to get to the sweetness that God has planned for our relationship in the future it will have to hurt more before we can see the other side.  I choose to trust.  Please pray for me/us as I wait on the Lord this week.  I will be studying James 1 in depth and wherever God leads me from there.  I am struggling with hurt and anger but I know God has me right where he wants me and he desires for me to surrender those feelings to him. 


The tears started coming while praying tonight when I recalled our Lord being accused before the Sanhedrin.  They would spit on him and beat him beyond recognition before My Lord would die for MY sin.  He was silent through much of his suffering.


Matthew 27:12-14 (NLT)

12 But when the leading priests and the elders made their accusations against him, Jesus remained silent. 13 “Don’t you hear all these charges they are bringing against you?” Pilate demanded. 14 But Jesus made no response to any of the charges, much to the governor’s surprise.


Isaiah 53:7 (NLT)

He was oppressed and treated harshly,
    yet he never said a word.
He was led like a lamb to the slaughter.
    And as a sheep is silent before the shearers,
    he did not open his mouth.

The least I can do is lie still in the Shepherd's hands for awhile and wait for him to open my mouth so only words from My Father come rushing out.  That's the hope any way.


1 comment:

amanda said...

Oh sweetie, I am praying for you tonight as I feel that I can totally relate (even though I don't know many details.
Chris and I recently went and got some biblical counseling from our pastor and his wife about the hurt and anger we had experienced. I too fear say the wrong thing and not being a stewart of God's will in my situation. I will be praying for you to clear insight from Him.