"When man wants evil destroyed so often he rushes to action. It is wrong. First be still and know that I am God. Then act only as I tell you. Always calm with God. Calm is trust in action. Only trust, perfect trust can keep one calm." -God Calling
I read this excerpt from my daily devotional this morning and thought Wow, that was a couple of days late. But of course God was not a few days off at all but actually right on time.
I got a virtual slap in the face today in my inbox and everything inside of me wants to bite back with words. To spew out sentences on the keyboard that I thought were thoughts safely hidden under rocks shaking around in my heart. My blood is boiling. If you hadn't noticed I can be somewhat confrontational (don't answer that).
Does it matter if I am right or not? If my words and actions are justified? Does it matter if I can fight harder to win? Should I try to prove my case? How would Jesus react?
Rather than rereading the email 95,000 times (which is what "words of affirmation" love language people do, people) so I could let my heart rot a little bit more, I thought I would take a nap hoping my perspective would change by my own strength. The morning reading came popping up in my head repeatedly and I tried to suppress it. Who will defend me if I don't respond? I have a right to say something!!! I don't have the strength to stay calm.
Of course my tired head could not rest. I went downstairs to grab the computer to start a rough draft of thoughts that My Love could edit before sending (which is what started this correspondence) but grabbed for my devotional instead.
"First be still and know that I am God. Then act only as I tell you... Calm is trust in action."
Don't we all feel this way from time to time? Like we have to say something right now in anger so we can selfishly feel better? To what end? Breathe.
Rather than passion in this moment I choose calm. The Lord knows that goes against everything I am feeling right now. But what a concept to wait on the Lord and only act as he wills. I think I'll try it.
Time to chew on the Book of James. A few verses come to mind.