Yesterday I needed to get away. I hopped in the car driving down the road not knowing which direction I wanted to turn when I got to the stop sign. I had been busy working on a talk that someone asked me to give tomorrow night at our Koinonia dinner. It is a monthly meeting during the summer for the women of our church to share a meal and fellowship together during our break from structured Bible study. God had placed a mirror in front of my face and I realized I was making it about me. The more I spoke about me and all that has happened this year, the more he showed me I still didn't have it all figured out. "Look around!" The connection with my Love lately has been lacking. Neither one of us was being very loving.
I felt like a fraud. Clearly the Enemy was trying to get in the way of God speaking to my heart. All I could hear was, "YOU CAN'T DO THIS! You shouldn't do this!" Since God had confirmed that he wanted me to share with the ladies all he has done during this season of my life, I knew that message was not of the Lord. So I ran away from home eager to drown out the voices surrounding me. Praying that he would direct me to which chapter of the last six months he wanted me to share.
I stopped at Old Navy (where one normally finds answers from the Lord????) and "shopped" for awhile childless walking out without a purchase. Next door I wandered into Barnes and Noble grabbed a coffee then browsed the store with my Bible in hand hoping to find an open seat so I could get caught up on my daily reading. Instead I found myself in front of the 'Christian Inspiration' section. Three bookcases wide and filled with all kinds of authors. Some legit and others smashed in between books trying to force them to apply to this subject heading. Behind me was the 'Eastern Religions' section. Each book binding read a bold title speaking truth to my soul. My eye caught the one called Devotions for Moms. I pulled it from the shelf and opened up the daily reading meant for July 10th and found yet another reference to sheep. How does God do that?! I haven't talked about it much here, but God continues to repeat lines from Psalm 23 or mentions sheep/shepherd almost daily. I lost my breath but not my coffee. He spoke to my heart...
"Why are you still trying to defend yourself from predators? I have made you defenseless without me. Why are you still trying to overgraze this patch of grass? There are greener pastures around the corner if you will just follow me. Why are you allowing yourself to be all consumed by pests and hunger and thirst? I will anoint your head with oil and provide you with your every meal. Why are you still demanding your own way? Still? Give up already! Humble yourself! Submit to my will! Let me lead you! I am your Good Shepherd!"
OK so maybe I didn't hear all of that from the Lord audibly, but I might as well have. It is like he snapped his fingers in my face and said, "WAKE UP! Why do you think I keep repeating myself? Get this!"
Pray for me tomorrow.