Wednesday, February 8, 2012

safe in his arms

I was thinking about this post when I heard a song playing through Pandora yesterday.  Safe by Phil Wickham.  The chorus really spoke to me.

You're not alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms

But not because I don't feel safe.  It seemed like the very words I would likely sing to a foster child before they transition out of our home.  So much about our future is out of our control.  So much of our present is out of our control.  It is time I start singing this song to remind me of the promises He made.  We will be safe in His arms.  We are not alone.

After the Super Bowl on Sunday night, I put Babydoll down with a fever and growing cough.  I gave her Motrin around 9pm and was woken up after midnight by a yelping sound.  I stood outside the Bundles' bedroom doors and then entered her room when I realized the sound came from there.  I came in to find my 22 month old Baby Girl shaking in her bed, fists tight having a seizure.  It was one of the scariest moments of my life.

It finally stopped after about a minute but she was completely out of it with eyes closed for several minutes later.  My Love and I felt utterly helpless.  We didn't know what to do.  We called our ER which is 30 miles away and they advised us to take her to the closest one to our home.  My Love took her and I stayed home with Brother so we didn't have to scare him.  I kissed my baby goodbye wondering with a tiny bit of reality that I might not see her again.  It was terrible.  We had no idea what was going on. 

After they left, I prayed.  Speaking out loud through tears to the Lord acknowledging that Babydoll was in fact His and that I would choose to trust Him with whatever happens to her.  Peace washed over me.

I called my Mom because I still have the luxury of doing that.  She lives three hours behind us time-zone wise so it wasn't too late there.  I cried.  She prayed.  Then I text J in Florida.  Then a couple texts rolled in from sisters that I assumed my Mom had contacted.  One was vacationing with her family in Hawaii.  We were all praying.

I was up until 3:30am before I finally fell asleep.  My Love was texting and calling when he could and I was relaying updates to waiting loved ones when I knew they were still awake too.

After a battery of tests, My Love finally came home with Babydoll in his arms at 6am.  We were all exhausted.  I had slept 2 1/2 hrs and they had slept none.  Brother came bounding in the room at 6:45am to start his well rested day completely unaware of the drama the night before.

I have been thinking a lot about everything since then.  Sissy is doing better now.  Still snotty and coughing but the fever is gone.  Apparently a sudden spike in temperature is not uncommon to trigger a seizure.  It was scary though.  But I guess now we know in case it happens again.  Anyway my thoughts have been on going.

Do I really trust God with my children?  Will I fully trust Him with the children he temporarily puts in my care?  Do I truly believe that they are "safe in His arms"?

There is nothing like knowing you are completely helpless to make you realize it is actually a sweet place to be.  You have to trust.  There is nothing you can do.  Why do I waste my time doing anything on my own?  Why do I think I am enough for anyone?  In in the most ideal circumstances, I can not promise complete safety in my arms.  God can!

So I pray over my children today and the many that I will hold in my arms in the future.  May they know that they are not alone.  That even when everything is falling apart, they are safe in His arms.  He will be with them always.

personal note: praying for you AD4!!


tommysmommy said...

beautifully written. what a scary night, what a blessing of peace and trust.

amanda said...

My heart goes out to you! That is so scary and even harder to have to choose one parent to stay with one child while the other goes with the sick child; at least that is a part I struggle with. Praying for your family and for babydoll that she gets well.

I still struggle daily to give my children over to God completely and trust Him completely. It is a daily prayer for me. Praying for you.

Tami said...

Yes... Giving our children over to the One who made them is something that I think, as moms, we never stop praying about!

Praying that Melle is feeling better... :0)