I was thinking about this post when I heard a song playing through Pandora yesterday. Safe by Phil Wickham. The chorus really spoke to me.
You're not alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
But not because I don't feel safe. It seemed like the very words I would likely sing to a foster child before they transition out of our home. So much about our future is out of our control. So much of our present is out of our control. It is time I start singing this song to remind me of the promises He made. We will be safe in His arms. We are not alone.
After the Super Bowl on Sunday night, I put Babydoll down with a fever and growing cough. I gave her Motrin around 9pm and was woken up after midnight by a yelping sound. I stood outside the Bundles' bedroom doors and then entered her room when I realized the sound came from there. I came in to find my 22 month old Baby Girl shaking in her bed, fists tight having a seizure. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.
It finally stopped after about a minute but she was completely out of it with eyes closed for several minutes later. My Love and I felt utterly helpless. We didn't know what to do. We called our ER which is 30 miles away and they advised us to take her to the closest one to our home. My Love took her and I stayed home with Brother so we didn't have to scare him. I kissed my baby goodbye wondering with a tiny bit of reality that I might not see her again. It was terrible. We had no idea what was going on.
After they left, I prayed. Speaking out loud through tears to the Lord acknowledging that Babydoll was in fact His and that I would choose to trust Him with whatever happens to her. Peace washed over me.
I called my Mom because I still have the luxury of doing that. She lives three hours behind us time-zone wise so it wasn't too late there. I cried. She prayed. Then I text J in Florida. Then a couple texts rolled in from sisters that I assumed my Mom had contacted. One was vacationing with her family in Hawaii. We were all praying.
I was up until 3:30am before I finally fell asleep. My Love was texting and calling when he could and I was relaying updates to waiting loved ones when I knew they were still awake too.
After a battery of tests, My Love finally came home with Babydoll in his arms at 6am. We were all exhausted. I had slept 2 1/2 hrs and they had slept none. Brother came bounding in the room at 6:45am to start his well rested day completely unaware of the drama the night before.
I have been thinking a lot about everything since then. Sissy is doing better now. Still snotty and coughing but the fever is gone. Apparently a sudden spike in temperature is not uncommon to trigger a seizure. It was scary though. But I guess now we know in case it happens again. Anyway my thoughts have been on going.
Do I really trust God with my children? Will I fully trust Him with the children he temporarily puts in my care? Do I truly believe that they are "safe in His arms"?
There is nothing like knowing you are completely helpless to make you realize it is actually a sweet place to be. You have to trust. There is nothing you can do. Why do I waste my time doing anything on my own? Why do I think I am enough for anyone? In in the most ideal circumstances, I can not promise complete safety in my arms. God can!
So I pray over my children today and the many that I will hold in my arms in the future. May they know that they are not alone. That even when everything is falling apart, they are safe in His arms. He will be with them always.
personal note: praying for you AD4!!
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
upon
1.up and on; upward so as to get or be on
2.in an elevated position on
3.in or into complete or approximate contact with
Tonight I am waiting UPON the LORD. And it is a very sweet place to be.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
preparing for joy
Have you prepared for JOY?
That was the question posed to me in a text a couple of weeks ago from my dear, far-away friend JH.
I had to pause and think about it. I guess I just knew there would eventually be positives in the process of becoming a foster parent but it seemed easier to prepare myself for the unknown pain and heartache. Am I equally preparing for the JOY? Perhaps JOY like I have never known in Him?!
Later that same friend continued her thoughts in an email.
"Jesus endured the cross for the JOY set before him. Is preparing for JOY the same as always being ready for His return and our ultimate, true JOY in total sanctification and the forever presence of God? Of course eucharisteo :) pops into my head too - grace, thanksgiving, JOY. A good reminder to me to give thanks in all things."
I am learning to abide in Christ while wearing the full armor of God so I may prepare for JOY. My head is spinning, people.
So I reached for my Bible concordance tonight to soak up what God has to say about His JOY.
"...for the JOY of the LORD is your strength." -Neh. 8:10
"Weeping may tarry for the night, but JOY comes with the morning." -Psalm 30:5b
"For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for JOY." -Psalm 92:4
"For you shall go out in JOY and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." -Isaiah 55:12
"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take JOY in the God of my salvation." -Hab. 3:17-18
"So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great JOY, and ran to tell the disciples." -Matt. 28:8
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my JOY may be in you, and that your JOY may be full." -John 15:9-11
"Truly, truly, I say to you, "you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into JOY. When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for JOY that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will be able to take your JOY from you." -John 16:20-22
"May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." -Romans 15:13 (personal note: JP, God repeated this one to me in your note to me this week. Thank you for being obedient to Him by sharing it with me. <3)
"Count it all JOY, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." -James 1:2-4
"And we are writing these things so that our JOY may be complete." -1 John 1:4
OK so maybe that last one was a little out of context but I do believe all that I share here will be evidence of the JOY that comes from this journey. Keep praying for us. God is doing amazing things.
That was the question posed to me in a text a couple of weeks ago from my dear, far-away friend JH.
I had to pause and think about it. I guess I just knew there would eventually be positives in the process of becoming a foster parent but it seemed easier to prepare myself for the unknown pain and heartache. Am I equally preparing for the JOY? Perhaps JOY like I have never known in Him?!
Later that same friend continued her thoughts in an email.
"Jesus endured the cross for the JOY set before him. Is preparing for JOY the same as always being ready for His return and our ultimate, true JOY in total sanctification and the forever presence of God? Of course eucharisteo :) pops into my head too - grace, thanksgiving, JOY. A good reminder to me to give thanks in all things."
I am learning to abide in Christ while wearing the full armor of God so I may prepare for JOY. My head is spinning, people.
So I reached for my Bible concordance tonight to soak up what God has to say about His JOY.
"...for the JOY of the LORD is your strength." -Neh. 8:10
"Weeping may tarry for the night, but JOY comes with the morning." -Psalm 30:5b
"For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for JOY." -Psalm 92:4
"For you shall go out in JOY and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." -Isaiah 55:12
"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take JOY in the God of my salvation." -Hab. 3:17-18
"So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great JOY, and ran to tell the disciples." -Matt. 28:8
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my JOY may be in you, and that your JOY may be full." -John 15:9-11
"Truly, truly, I say to you, "you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into JOY. When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for JOY that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will be able to take your JOY from you." -John 16:20-22
"May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." -Romans 15:13 (personal note: JP, God repeated this one to me in your note to me this week. Thank you for being obedient to Him by sharing it with me. <3)
"Count it all JOY, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." -James 1:2-4
"And we are writing these things so that our JOY may be complete." -1 John 1:4
OK so maybe that last one was a little out of context but I do believe all that I share here will be evidence of the JOY that comes from this journey. Keep praying for us. God is doing amazing things.
Friday, February 3, 2012
grace in potty training
Recently I have felt like my mind is turning radical. I tend to see the most trivial situations as having spiritual value. I don't know if that is biblical or not but I do believe God is Sovereign. Every detail of our lives has been planned for his purpose. Just because I haven't thought about it until now doesn't mean some mundane things haven't had heavenly significance all along.
Take Babydoll's recent milestone for example. What if God chose for our second child to potty train before turning two not because she is extraordinarily intelligent (because lets face it most children learn how to do it eventually and the when is really NOT important, people) but because He knew that would be one less thing I would have to manage after taking in our first foster child?
Oh how He loves me. He thinks of things I don't. He plans for everything.
Today I feel loved by God because before the foundations of the world he wove a 21 month old potty trained child into the fabric of my family. He knows what is around the bend and perhaps trying to potty train a toddler in the midst of all of that would have been too much for us.
He is cool like that.
note: God's grace is overwhelming even in potty training (and she is also extraordinarily intelligent!) ;)
Take Babydoll's recent milestone for example. What if God chose for our second child to potty train before turning two not because she is extraordinarily intelligent (because lets face it most children learn how to do it eventually and the when is really NOT important, people) but because He knew that would be one less thing I would have to manage after taking in our first foster child?
Oh how He loves me. He thinks of things I don't. He plans for everything.
Today I feel loved by God because before the foundations of the world he wove a 21 month old potty trained child into the fabric of my family. He knows what is around the bend and perhaps trying to potty train a toddler in the midst of all of that would have been too much for us.
He is cool like that.
note: God's grace is overwhelming even in potty training (and she is also extraordinarily intelligent!) ;)
i want to live
I have a few things to write about but I have either been distracted by something important or I have been distracting myself with pointless things. I am waiting for a clear head to write. One can hope anyway. Sometimes the words come in songs though. I know I post lots of YouTube videos here. I don't do it (just) because I like the music. I post them because on that day that particular song is saying the words I can't seem to put together into sentences on my own. So here is another one. We have a busy weekend ahead but I hope I can stop distracting myself long enough to publish more of my own thoughts. Although they are disjointed and mostly brief ideas, they have been coming often. We are in a good place around here. My heart is full and thankful and overwhelmed by God's love. I want to live like that.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
where did my head go?
Oh boy has my head been all over the place. God has been speaking in a very long run-on sentence (somewhat like I assume this post will come across to you) and I haven't had a moment to piece all the fragments together in my mind. I mean, I definitely take note to the parts of the puzzle that I never noticed before, but I wouldn't say it can all be explained clearly here. It is more of a broad understanding. Does that make sense?
We have both had lots of moments of "oh that's why God did that way back when" and "who would have thought that experience/relationship/job would have prepared us for what comes next?" To be perfectly honest had God told us in previous chapters the "why" behind certain life decisions that were seemingly made for us we probably would have laughed and said no thank you. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, people. Thankfully in our naivete we still chose to trust and follow God's will for our lives even if we didn't fully understand it.
For instance, my job right out of college had nothing to do with my degree. I am guessing that probably disappointed some people although they never told me that. I was working on an Army Post in a foreign country assisting in a toddler class at a Child Development Center. It was A LOT of work physically/mentally but oh so rewarding. Children would often move away to wherever the Army sent their families. After investing in their young lives for many months, potty training, documenting their development, watching them meet countless milestones, it was always hard to say goodbye knowing I would never see them again. Understanding that they would never remember me. Now My Love and I see that first job right out of college as divinely chosen. Not just something I settled for because WIC Overseas and the HAWC didn't work out. No. God knew. At that job I loved and taught all kinds of kids from all kinds of backgrounds. I saw what a predictable, safe, loving environment (at a Child Development Center) can do in a young child's life (18-36 months) even when life at home is stressful and chaotic. Those experiences seem priceless now. The examples go on from there. I am starting to see that He has been equipping me for some time now. Oh yes. God has been busy speaking quietly to my heart and loudly through the voices of others.
Now let me see. Where did my head go?
More to come.
We have both had lots of moments of "oh that's why God did that way back when" and "who would have thought that experience/relationship/job would have prepared us for what comes next?" To be perfectly honest had God told us in previous chapters the "why" behind certain life decisions that were seemingly made for us we probably would have laughed and said no thank you. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, people. Thankfully in our naivete we still chose to trust and follow God's will for our lives even if we didn't fully understand it.
For instance, my job right out of college had nothing to do with my degree. I am guessing that probably disappointed some people although they never told me that. I was working on an Army Post in a foreign country assisting in a toddler class at a Child Development Center. It was A LOT of work physically/mentally but oh so rewarding. Children would often move away to wherever the Army sent their families. After investing in their young lives for many months, potty training, documenting their development, watching them meet countless milestones, it was always hard to say goodbye knowing I would never see them again. Understanding that they would never remember me. Now My Love and I see that first job right out of college as divinely chosen. Not just something I settled for because WIC Overseas and the HAWC didn't work out. No. God knew. At that job I loved and taught all kinds of kids from all kinds of backgrounds. I saw what a predictable, safe, loving environment (at a Child Development Center) can do in a young child's life (18-36 months) even when life at home is stressful and chaotic. Those experiences seem priceless now. The examples go on from there. I am starting to see that He has been equipping me for some time now. Oh yes. God has been busy speaking quietly to my heart and loudly through the voices of others.
Now let me see. Where did my head go?
More to come.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
on my end table
Here are the four books I am reading right now. You know, during all my free time. It has been a slow process but I am learning a great deal from each one. What about you? Any good reads lately?
(note: The the books were placed on the mantel for this photo for the purpose of better lighting and not to mislead you. They really are stacked on my end table in the family room along with God Calling, One Thousand Gifts, a journal, and Shepherding a Child's Heart. Something good is always at arm's length. OK. That explanation was longer than the actual post.)
(note: The the books were placed on the mantel for this photo for the purpose of better lighting and not to mislead you. They really are stacked on my end table in the family room along with God Calling, One Thousand Gifts, a journal, and Shepherding a Child's Heart. Something good is always at arm's length. OK. That explanation was longer than the actual post.)
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