I'm on day three of voluntarily not drinking coffee. If I wasn't crazy before, I most definitely am now.
I didn't intend on giving it up but a few days ago I heard God clearly asking me what I was doing differently to learn how to abide in him. I was still plugging along doing the things I had been doing and the warfare hit. Hard. I wasn't equipped. I kept hearing him say that I needed to put on the WHOLE armor (like ten times through many sources) of God and I wasn't exactly dressing myself any differently than normal. The storms hit. It was like the movies, people. When the main characters are standing outside at night when all of a sudden there is a downpour. Every time I see a scene like that in a movie I question the reality of the situation. There is usually a gentle sprinkle before the hard rain falls. Not around here this week. We have been having some good days (even seeing God speak to us together) and then *bam* the storm hits us unexpectedly.
We both acknowledge the storms are a tool of the devil. But God is working all of it together for good.
We choose to see the storms differently than our enemy presents them to us (in the form of fear, doubt, conflict, division...).
Have you ever started using a new facewash? The first few days can bring a lot of junk to the surface of your skin that you didn't know was there. You start questioning if it is really working or if your skin is just too sensitive for this type of cleanser. After all, your skin actually looks and feels worse from using it. You press on though. You know it is just unearthing the dirt that your old face wash left behind. Several days pass of faithfully washing your face with the new cleanser and you realize with the touch of your cheek and a glance in the mirror that your skin is actually smoother and clearer than before.
That is what is happening around here. We are dealing with red spots and pimples and rough patches that were being ignored by our old way of living. It hasn't been easy. There have been some difficult talks arguments but we choose to trust this process. We are purging all the dead stuff.
One night after a particularly loud conversation where harsh words were flung in both directions, I went for a drive (not my usual MO). Sometimes being alone helps we hear from the Lord better. He started talking.
I was humbled.
Of the many things He said to me that night one was asking me what I was doing differently to abide in him. It caused me to pause and think about what things in my life I still wasn't surrendering. What earthly things was I relying on when I could be trusting him instead? You guessed it. Coffee came to mind. My socially acceptable crutch/addiction. A friend and I were talking last week about how when we were pregnant with our first child we didn't drink coffee. We gave it up. By the time my second Bundle came around I was drinking one to two cups of coffee again a day. These days I find myself needing 2-3 cups of coffee just to start my morning in prayer and reading. I have been dragging and I am less than peaceful after rolling out of bed and heading downstairs to spend time with My Love before work.
What if I relied on God to start my day? To actually get it started. Not rely on coffee to get to a place to commune with Him. Don't I already KNOW Him to be more than enough?
I came home after my drive and repented to my husband and made a bold announcement that I was giving up coffee until God told me I could start drinking it again.
Day One came and my attitude stunk. I drug myself downstairs and opened my new Bible and started looking up scripture about "awake" and "alert". I wrote them on a sheet of paper. I read and reread them. I bit My Love's head off during this time of "abiding" when he asked me if I wanted to pray with him before he left for work. Cue storm. He didn't exactly understand my process but I knew God wanted me to do this. I knew it would be hard. I kept reading almost afraid of looking up from the pages because I knew I would lose it. My head was already aching from withdrawals. Do you know how troubling that is? That there is actually a physical reaction to giving up something that came before the Lord. My concordance took me to Isaiah 51:9 "Awake, awake, put on strength..." Matthew 24:42 "Therefore, stay awake..." Luke 21:36 "But stay awake at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place..." Then 1 Thessalonians 5:6,8 "...but let us keep awake and be sober...having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation." I was touched by this subtle reference to God's armor. Finally I followed the word "alert" to Ephesians 6:18 without even thinking and found "praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints." My eyes looked back a few verses and noticed I was right where God had been bringing me to time and time again for a couple of weeks. Ephesians 6:10-18.
Needless to say I was praying and studying these verses many times the first two days I drudged through without coffee. My head ached. My nerves were on edge. And God continues to ask me to give my everything to Him. Today I almost buckled and reached for the cold leftovers from My Love's pot to reheat in the microwave. I didn't wake with a craving on day 3 and announced to myself that I was in the clear. As I lifted the mug up to the machine, my hand hit the door and the coffee spilled all over. Yes Lord. I will continue to give this to you if it teaches me to abide.
What might this look like for you? If you are already reading and praying, consider what else he might be asking you to surrender. There are some things that we think are a non issue but can easily get in our way of hearing from Him. Watching TV, eating sweets, spending money... What is something that you do often that might be consuming some of your ability to abide in Christ?
I have not sworn off coffee forever (please, Lord), but in the midst of the storms of this chapter I figured what better time than now to heap on more weakness. To be honest, it hasn't been the best time but my disobedience would require consequence.
Please don't freak out. My Love and I are actually doing well (today). Some moments feel like we move forward a step and then a storm slams us back five. But we keep walking hand in hand determined to be stronger in him when this battle is through.
After all, we know that the war has already been won.
Our foster parenting classes begin in 2 1/2 weeks. I imagine there will be more storms between now and then. Please pray for us.
Have I mentioned God provided childcare for our classes? That is a post for another day. He really is amazing, people.
There are days when you are exhausted and hungry and frustrated. You wonder why the world isn't bending down to meet your immediate needs at the sound of your screaming voice. Demanding your own way is at the tip of your tongue. Patience and self-control are the furthest things from your mind.
Why should it surprise us when our children act that way?
Everything in our human nature puts self first. We don't want to wait on God's timing until he explains the big picture. We desire to have every earthly comfort. Our happiness is the measure of our quality of life.
Sometimes purposing to be a godly parent is choosing to do the hard thing. It is dying to self. It is admitting your failures and showing your children their need for a Savior. It is making them wait. It is teaching them to deal with disappointments. It is experiencing discomfort together. It is allowing them to feel unhappy once in awhile. It is giving consequences for disobedience. It is staying consistent. It is loving without conditions. It is giving grace in the unexpected. It is modeling thankfulness even when you are tired.
Parenting is not easy, but it is so worth choosing to do the hard thing.
For how can I deny the same patience and selfless love my Heavenly Father put into parenting me? The sooner my children learn to look to Jesus the better. I choose to do the hard thing. To bend down in humility and acknowledge my need for a Savior. When I kneel down low enough my children will be able to see Him clearer.
At the end of a year I like to look back at all God has done and reflect on what he might be prompting me to do/change in the year ahead. Life has been busy the last few weeks so He has had a little bonus time to show me clearly what I will need to focus on the most in 2012. Just for fun I am going to share them here and at year's end I'll come back and remember what God did through it all. Pray for us.
*ABIDE: I feel strongly that this year will be about learning how to abide. To make God the focus of every moment and to pray in every circumstance.
*BOLDNESS: I have a feeling this will be a continual theme. The years of "silent witness" seem to be behind me. It has become easier for me to speak the name of Jesus but God has provided an all together new opportunity for me this year. I am excited to see what God does in a new friendship with an unbeliever.
*DIE TO SELF: It has become very clear to me that the only way God's love can flow through me to the lost and broken is for me to surrender all of me. It is not easy. I am a work in progress. But I am hopeful by the end of this year I will be able to look in the mirror and see less of me and more of Him. With disappointments, heartache, chaos, disruption, unpredictability on the horizon my focus can not be on what I want for this day if God is going to use me.
*PRAY: We spent 2011 learning to pray for the needs of others. We were overwhelmed to watch God work and answer prayers in his timing. Our faith was strengthened. Each morning we would open up our journal and lift up the names of so many people in our lives. Extended family, local friends, far away friends, our church. Over the months new names/needs would be added. God worked in many who didn't even know we were praying. He was faithful to show us more than once what He was doing. With a little perspective, we have come to realize we let our own family's prayer needs fall by the wayside without intention this past year. Is it possible we have been offering up other people's Isaac's and holding tight to our own? 2012 will be about learning to pray for ourselves very specifically. To pray for each other's hearts and weaknesses. To see God work in our marriage. To witness more transformation as he answers each prayer in his timing. We will still be praying for you all, but we are putting our names higher on the prayer priority list with a sense of urgency. We expect we will be praying a lot more this year. I guess that is how you learn to abide in Christ and He in you.
*SERVE: I want to be willing to be used by God in our church and community however would best bring him glory.
*HOSPITALITY: I want our home to be open to any and every one who might need a place to stay/eat/live. We honestly believe he gave us this house for his good purpose and we want the doors to be open to all at a moment's notice. I guess I should learn how to be a better house keeper too then. *sigh* A bigger house means more work for me. Cleaning does not make me jump for joy, people. I can think of 100 other things I would rather do. But I want our house to be available to be used by God at any time which means clutter needs to be addressed and bathrooms need to be maintained. Perhaps I will learn to love cleaning for his glory. How did this bullet point turn into doing house work? Is My Love reading this? Let's move on.
*READ: I need to make more time to read. As an adult, I have learned how to get lost in a book and I hope the new year allows for more opportunities to do that. Once again this brings focus to prioritizing better. With the addition of foster children, many things at the bottom of the list will be sacrificed. Our marriage, children, home, friendships, prayer, loving, serving, blogging, and reading seem to be the only things worth preserving. Kind of freeing actually.
*DATE: Enough said.
*LOVE: I want to learn to love how Christ loves. To see others through his eyes.
*SALVATION: We are praying for many to come to know Jesus as their Savior and Lord. May this be the year that the Holy Spirit opens their eyes and hearts of those we have been lifting to Him. Will you join us by praying with confident expectation for the lost that God has put in your lives?
*BOUNDARIES: With all this serving and hospitality we have learned some very important lessons. We need boundaries. We need firm priorities that are not affected by constant changes in the wind and rain of the storms coming. This is a time sensitive goal. With every long term house guest has come opportunities to learn this concept. God has been good to show us this need before the abnormal becomes normal. With boundaries and structure in priorities the unexpected that will fall in our laps will be less likely to blow us down. We choose to cling to our foundation and each other. Their can be peace in the chaos. We choose to abide...and create boundaries.
*EDUCATION: I REALLY want Brother to be in some kind of structured pre-K kind of schooling at home. He is more than ready and I know if he has something in place the unpredictable days ahead will be less stressful for him...and me. (temporary note: this Saturday is a homeschool gathering at our new church. Perhaps this goal will be well underway sooner than I think)
*STUDY: My Love and I would like to do a Bible/book study together this year. It has been a few years since we have done something like this. I am hopeful it will open doors for better communication and deepen our connection. We are both really excited to see what God will teach us together. Have any book suggestions?
Ok. I think that is more than enough to focus on this year. I challenge you to seek the Lord and ask Him what he would have you work on this year in your own lives.
Can you tell that God has been speaking to my heart through music lately? I feel like I am hearing some songs for the first time even though I have been mindlessly singing along to the lyrics for some time. I have no idea if people actually listen to the videos I post but sharing them here is a good reminder to me of what God is saying to my heart in this moment. I don't know if it is the case for you, but our local Christian radio stations have been playing All of Me by Matt Hammitt to death around here. I hope it stirs you to pray for us because we need it. Have a great day!
