"Don't be selfish; don't live to make a good impression on others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don't only think about your own affairs, but be interested in others, too and what they are doing." -Philippians 2:3-4
Seems as if God wasn't a fan of my self-absorbed-I-only-want-to-think-about-myself-for-awhile attitude. But I'm still glad I shared because I feel covered in prayer. Off to day two of our Marriage Impact conference at church today. God is good. He works ALL things together for our good (and His glory).
Make yourself vulnerable today. Ask for prayer from someone you see for something specific. And ask them with genuine interest how you can pray for them. It is good to think beyond yourself no matter how heavy the burdens you are carrying.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
thoughts
I have a lot on my mind.
Thoughts of friends who haven gone on short term missions trips to places like England and Haiti and India. I want to know how they are doing and what God has done in their lives. You can not return unchanged.
Thoughts of others who have committed this season of their lives to full time missions in Spain. I want to hear how they are REALLY doing.
Thoughts of a sibling expecting her first baby and another expecting her second. It has been way too long since we have spoken last and I wonder what this season of life has been like for them before everything changes...for the better.
Thoughts of a friend who had a miscarriage while her husband was out of town. I wish I could hug her every day if only the miles didn't separate us.
Thoughts of a friend who sent her firstborn off to kindergarten this week. What a milestone!
Thoughts of a fifth location being opened up in a friend's small business.
Thoughts of several college roommates who I haven't spoken with in months and in fact years. Wondering how even to pray for them when I have no idea how they are doing.
Thoughts of a friend waiting for the results of the second state BAR exam.
Thoughts of family that is struggling with other family, at least three separate situations. I so long to fix the pain all around but know only God is capable of a complete healing.
Thoughts of family and friends who are unemployed both near and far. How stressful their days must be.
Thoughts of an impending wedding and wishing I could impart wisdom only learned after nine years that I know can not even be understood until experienced.
Thoughts of many friends in the process of adoption, either adjusting to the new addition, awaiting their official gotcha-day, or still listening for the phone to ring. Oh how the heart aches in the waiting. How do you do dishes and fold laundry when your child is somewhere out there?
So many thoughts of loved ones consume my mind. I want to spend hours and days talking, catching up, listening, writing. I really want to know how we can continue praying for each one of them. I want them (and many others) to know we are thinking about what they are going through.
On the other hand the personal struggles around me seem so urgent that all I want to do is curl up in my house and shut out the world until I can emerge looking more like Christ and less like me. Our marriage needs to be healed. I want to selfishly put all these thoughts on hold and focus on myself for awhile. This dawned on me just yesterday as the day drew to a close and I looked at a text on my phone through puffy, emotionally-drained eyes.
"Grandma is at [the hospital]..."
The thoughts are many. I hope to put those thoughts to action soon. To connect with many I love and care deeply for. Even in my silence we are praying for them. But for now action seems only able to be solely spent here. There is much work to be done and TODAY is the day to do it.
Pray for us and my grandma.
Thoughts of friends who haven gone on short term missions trips to places like England and Haiti and India. I want to know how they are doing and what God has done in their lives. You can not return unchanged.
Thoughts of others who have committed this season of their lives to full time missions in Spain. I want to hear how they are REALLY doing.
Thoughts of a sibling expecting her first baby and another expecting her second. It has been way too long since we have spoken last and I wonder what this season of life has been like for them before everything changes...for the better.
Thoughts of a friend who had a miscarriage while her husband was out of town. I wish I could hug her every day if only the miles didn't separate us.
Thoughts of a friend who sent her firstborn off to kindergarten this week. What a milestone!
Thoughts of a fifth location being opened up in a friend's small business.
Thoughts of several college roommates who I haven't spoken with in months and in fact years. Wondering how even to pray for them when I have no idea how they are doing.
Thoughts of a friend waiting for the results of the second state BAR exam.
Thoughts of family that is struggling with other family, at least three separate situations. I so long to fix the pain all around but know only God is capable of a complete healing.
Thoughts of family and friends who are unemployed both near and far. How stressful their days must be.
Thoughts of an impending wedding and wishing I could impart wisdom only learned after nine years that I know can not even be understood until experienced.
Thoughts of many friends in the process of adoption, either adjusting to the new addition, awaiting their official gotcha-day, or still listening for the phone to ring. Oh how the heart aches in the waiting. How do you do dishes and fold laundry when your child is somewhere out there?
So many thoughts of loved ones consume my mind. I want to spend hours and days talking, catching up, listening, writing. I really want to know how we can continue praying for each one of them. I want them (and many others) to know we are thinking about what they are going through.
On the other hand the personal struggles around me seem so urgent that all I want to do is curl up in my house and shut out the world until I can emerge looking more like Christ and less like me. Our marriage needs to be healed. I want to selfishly put all these thoughts on hold and focus on myself for awhile. This dawned on me just yesterday as the day drew to a close and I looked at a text on my phone through puffy, emotionally-drained eyes.
"Grandma is at [the hospital]..."
The thoughts are many. I hope to put those thoughts to action soon. To connect with many I love and care deeply for. Even in my silence we are praying for them. But for now action seems only able to be solely spent here. There is much work to be done and TODAY is the day to do it.
Pray for us and my grandma.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
fourth seizure
My Love made it home just in time to go with me to take the kids to Vacation Bible School (VBS) last night. This was the first one I had ever heard of that met at 6pm but I figured we would at least give day one a try. My Love and I checked the kiddos in and then hung around in the back of the sanctuary for a few minutes to make sure our littlest Bundle was settled in okay. Off we went to Costco for no particular reason except for that driving thirty minutes back home didn't seem ideal. We wandered around and then walked out around 7:30pm with just a package of princess panties size 2T for our Babydoll. I told her I would get her some soon since she was in need of more. My phone beeped in the parking lot and I noticed that I had a voice mail. The cell service within Costco is spotty. The voice on the line was that of a man who sounded a little panicked. "You need to come back to VBS immediately. Your daughter is having a seizure...." I gasped and told My Love of the news and he started driving like a bat out of Hell the (now less than) ten minutes to our church. Poor Babydoll.
We finally got there and found our precious Gift from God lying limp in the arms of a friend of mind. I was able to educate some of the adults standing around about febrile seizures and they answered some of our questions about the incident. Apparently my friend walked into her classroom right before Babydoll fell over (which caused her to hit her head) and started seizing for less than a minute. Thankfully I had briefly mentioned to my friend last month after Sissy had one so it wasn't completely surprising to her. This was the first time it had happened while she was awake though so this opens up a whole new action plan whenever we leave her in the care of someone else. Consistently the seizures have occurred at the onset of any kind of fever so unfortunately at this point it isn't easily preventable. The one plus is that she will outgrow them by age five. I am not eager for her to reach that age just yet though.
Even though there was still an hour left of VBS, we took Brother out of his class and brought them both home. He SO graciously didn't put up a fight even though he didn't really understand why we were there. God saw fit to not have Brother in the room when it happened of which we are so thankful. He has never seen his Baby Sister have a seizure before even though this is her fourth one in seven months. Praising God for that fact! We put Babydoll in the car and she was still in her out-of-it daze even though she would open her eyes from time to time. Once back home, she came to again and we gave her some Motrin and Tylenol before showing her the panties we had bought for her. My Love placed the package in her bed and she fell right back to sleep.
While typing this I had to take a break when I heard Babydoll call out "Daddy" over the monitor. I walked into her bedroom this morning to find her studying her package of panties and back to her sweet little self. So thankful that she doesn't remember the trauma of nights like last night. Thankful that so many people there were praying for her and her fever is now being handled. Poor Babydoll. Since she has no other cold symptoms at this point we can only assume it was triggered by teething. With several gaps in her smile still, the teething process has been a long one. We would appreciate your prayers on this issue. Although we are not as fearful as we were when it happened the first time, it is still a scary thing to witness.
We finally got there and found our precious Gift from God lying limp in the arms of a friend of mind. I was able to educate some of the adults standing around about febrile seizures and they answered some of our questions about the incident. Apparently my friend walked into her classroom right before Babydoll fell over (which caused her to hit her head) and started seizing for less than a minute. Thankfully I had briefly mentioned to my friend last month after Sissy had one so it wasn't completely surprising to her. This was the first time it had happened while she was awake though so this opens up a whole new action plan whenever we leave her in the care of someone else. Consistently the seizures have occurred at the onset of any kind of fever so unfortunately at this point it isn't easily preventable. The one plus is that she will outgrow them by age five. I am not eager for her to reach that age just yet though.
Even though there was still an hour left of VBS, we took Brother out of his class and brought them both home. He SO graciously didn't put up a fight even though he didn't really understand why we were there. God saw fit to not have Brother in the room when it happened of which we are so thankful. He has never seen his Baby Sister have a seizure before even though this is her fourth one in seven months. Praising God for that fact! We put Babydoll in the car and she was still in her out-of-it daze even though she would open her eyes from time to time. Once back home, she came to again and we gave her some Motrin and Tylenol before showing her the panties we had bought for her. My Love placed the package in her bed and she fell right back to sleep.
While typing this I had to take a break when I heard Babydoll call out "Daddy" over the monitor. I walked into her bedroom this morning to find her studying her package of panties and back to her sweet little self. So thankful that she doesn't remember the trauma of nights like last night. Thankful that so many people there were praying for her and her fever is now being handled. Poor Babydoll. Since she has no other cold symptoms at this point we can only assume it was triggered by teething. With several gaps in her smile still, the teething process has been a long one. We would appreciate your prayers on this issue. Although we are not as fearful as we were when it happened the first time, it is still a scary thing to witness.
Monday, August 6, 2012
the one losing
"We think pain is owed apologies and then it'll stop
Truth be told it doesn't matter if they're sorry or not
Freedom comes when we surrender to the sound
Of mercy and Your grace, Father, send Your angels down."
Saturday, August 4, 2012
forgiveness
The topic of forgiveness has been on my mind recently. I have known many people who have let the decay of unforgiveness consume their lives. Strangely I have been able to offer forgiveness at times when apologies were never made. It was a part of surrendering a past hurt to the Lord and asking Him to redeem it. Often times the people involved are unaware of their offense toward me. And isn't that just it? Forgiveness is a matter of the heart. Another person really can't do or say the right amount of things to make a relationship right again. It is only by God's strength and grace that we can even offer such a gift to someone who maybe doesn't even really understand the pain they caused. 70x7. That is how many times Jesus said that we should forgive our neighbor. Yes that is a calcuable number of 490 times but the point is there should be no end to how many times we forgive. If you are keeping a tally of how many times you have forgiven someone than your heart probably isn't in it. I don't know about you but I am thankful for a Lord that didn't stop forgiving me at some calcuable number because you can be sure I have exceeded 490 offenses toward Him.
In one of my marriage studies last week, there was an exercise where you had to write out every sin your husband had committed against you. Every way he has failured or disappointed you. I sensed that God wanted me to take some time to put everything out on the table and not rush through the assignment leaving some hurt unturned. I searched my mind and heart but I took too long in the process. A couple days into the work and Satan had set himself up a nice little camp on the foothold I had prepared for him. As I thought upon all the ways My Love had offended me I started to get more bitter toward him. Fights we restirred between us that he had no part of. Of course that blew up into a major ordeal. But God brought something so beautiful out of it. He put his finger on an issue that was buried so deep that I didn't even know was the cause of some festering resentment.
Shortly after that reconciliation I completed the study homework in which I told God I forgave My Love for each offense and that I wouldn't hold it against him any longer (per the assignment instructions). Saying each thing on my list out loud so my heart and mind could acknowledge the act of forgiveness. It did take some time of discernment to figure out what things about my husband were actual faults and which were "just the way he is". One's heart sure is revealed in such an exercise. In the days to follow I found situations popping up that brought to light the things I said I had forgiven. God immediately spoke in my mind and didn't let me wander into bitterness. There was a real spiritual warfare going on and the voice of truth was louder. "No! You forgave that, remember? Don't go there." I allowed him to take the thought captive. With each reminder I could feel the resentments washing away. After each item on the paper was listed and verbally forgiven, the sheet was destroyed and was never shown to My Love. Most issues of the heart are between me and the Lord anyway. The Holy Spirit is more than capable of showing him the ways that he falls short. And in fact, when I spend too much energy pointing out his sins to him I may be getting in the way of him hearing from the Spirit. What a hot mess I have created!
A week later in Bible study again, the speaker gave us two pieces of paper. One was labeled HUSBAND. The other was labeled ME. She asked us to repeat the exercise. Mind you My Love was aware of the assignment but did not know anything I had written down. And nothing had really changed from his part. The difference was my heart toward him. I sat there and had a hard time thinking of offenses he had committed against me. It was like God was blocking my memory and not allowing me to slip back into bitterness. I was free even though our circumstances hadn't really changed. Next she had us write down all the ways we had sinned against God lately. Oh boy did the thoughts come like an ocean wave crashing over me. Seeing my offenses against God in writing next to a blank sheet of paper of the wrongs My Love had committed against me was powerful. Suddenly I became overwhelmed by how much God loves me and how much more I am in need of His forgiveness than My Love is of mine. We stapled the two sheets together. The speaker said "If you want God to forgive you of your list, than you have to forgive what is on your husband's list!" Gulp. After some time with the Lord, we walked out front and threw our lists into a lit fire pit. We watched God take all our sins away. Powerful.
Fast forward to the next day (yesterday). I totally blew up at a close friend over the phone. In the midst of some raw emotion and hurt I felt she had caused me, I allowed my anger to spew in her direction. It didn't take long before God showed me that I needed to seek His forgiveness and HERS. Yet again he put his finger on a deeper issue that I allowed to fester. An eruption was inevitable. I feel ashamed and embarressed and broken. It continues to amaze me how God brings more and more dark corners of my heart to the surface so he can scrape off the dross and keep working at transforming my heart and mind toward the imagine of Christ. "Surrender more!" I hear Him say. "You think you have it all together? That you have forgiven much? We'll see. There is more work to be done." He has poked at several close relationships this year that he wanted to do a healing in and really it boils down to forgiveness. In many of those situations I thought the other person's wrongs against me were enough to fill up a whole sheet of paper when in fact God showed me that I was really in need of forgiveness FROM THEM. Oh how the pride gets wounded! But with humility comes forgiveness and reconciliation with God...even if the circumstances from the other person's side never changes.
Pray about it. Is there anyone in your life that you need to forgive? Is there someone who you need to seek forgiveness from? In either case take it the Lord and watch as he burns up the heavy burden you are carrying around. There is freedom found in forgiveness.
In one of my marriage studies last week, there was an exercise where you had to write out every sin your husband had committed against you. Every way he has failured or disappointed you. I sensed that God wanted me to take some time to put everything out on the table and not rush through the assignment leaving some hurt unturned. I searched my mind and heart but I took too long in the process. A couple days into the work and Satan had set himself up a nice little camp on the foothold I had prepared for him. As I thought upon all the ways My Love had offended me I started to get more bitter toward him. Fights we restirred between us that he had no part of. Of course that blew up into a major ordeal. But God brought something so beautiful out of it. He put his finger on an issue that was buried so deep that I didn't even know was the cause of some festering resentment.
Shortly after that reconciliation I completed the study homework in which I told God I forgave My Love for each offense and that I wouldn't hold it against him any longer (per the assignment instructions). Saying each thing on my list out loud so my heart and mind could acknowledge the act of forgiveness. It did take some time of discernment to figure out what things about my husband were actual faults and which were "just the way he is". One's heart sure is revealed in such an exercise. In the days to follow I found situations popping up that brought to light the things I said I had forgiven. God immediately spoke in my mind and didn't let me wander into bitterness. There was a real spiritual warfare going on and the voice of truth was louder. "No! You forgave that, remember? Don't go there." I allowed him to take the thought captive. With each reminder I could feel the resentments washing away. After each item on the paper was listed and verbally forgiven, the sheet was destroyed and was never shown to My Love. Most issues of the heart are between me and the Lord anyway. The Holy Spirit is more than capable of showing him the ways that he falls short. And in fact, when I spend too much energy pointing out his sins to him I may be getting in the way of him hearing from the Spirit. What a hot mess I have created!
A week later in Bible study again, the speaker gave us two pieces of paper. One was labeled HUSBAND. The other was labeled ME. She asked us to repeat the exercise. Mind you My Love was aware of the assignment but did not know anything I had written down. And nothing had really changed from his part. The difference was my heart toward him. I sat there and had a hard time thinking of offenses he had committed against me. It was like God was blocking my memory and not allowing me to slip back into bitterness. I was free even though our circumstances hadn't really changed. Next she had us write down all the ways we had sinned against God lately. Oh boy did the thoughts come like an ocean wave crashing over me. Seeing my offenses against God in writing next to a blank sheet of paper of the wrongs My Love had committed against me was powerful. Suddenly I became overwhelmed by how much God loves me and how much more I am in need of His forgiveness than My Love is of mine. We stapled the two sheets together. The speaker said "If you want God to forgive you of your list, than you have to forgive what is on your husband's list!" Gulp. After some time with the Lord, we walked out front and threw our lists into a lit fire pit. We watched God take all our sins away. Powerful.
Fast forward to the next day (yesterday). I totally blew up at a close friend over the phone. In the midst of some raw emotion and hurt I felt she had caused me, I allowed my anger to spew in her direction. It didn't take long before God showed me that I needed to seek His forgiveness and HERS. Yet again he put his finger on a deeper issue that I allowed to fester. An eruption was inevitable. I feel ashamed and embarressed and broken. It continues to amaze me how God brings more and more dark corners of my heart to the surface so he can scrape off the dross and keep working at transforming my heart and mind toward the imagine of Christ. "Surrender more!" I hear Him say. "You think you have it all together? That you have forgiven much? We'll see. There is more work to be done." He has poked at several close relationships this year that he wanted to do a healing in and really it boils down to forgiveness. In many of those situations I thought the other person's wrongs against me were enough to fill up a whole sheet of paper when in fact God showed me that I was really in need of forgiveness FROM THEM. Oh how the pride gets wounded! But with humility comes forgiveness and reconciliation with God...even if the circumstances from the other person's side never changes.
Pray about it. Is there anyone in your life that you need to forgive? Is there someone who you need to seek forgiveness from? In either case take it the Lord and watch as he burns up the heavy burden you are carrying around. There is freedom found in forgiveness.
Friday, August 3, 2012
answer to prayer
My Love got an offer for his new job yesterday. We were told that the paperwork process could take several months, so My Love passed on his resume for a position he was not competing for at the same time he gave his notice to separate from the military. I think that was back in March. With his last day of actual work looming, and 78 days of terminal leave to follow, My Love had been carrying a heavy burden of not knowing when his new job would actually start. He considered for sometime accepting another job with the other agencies and companies (out of the "local" area) that were pursuing him in the interim. We prayed fervently about it asking God to reveal to My Love exactly what he wanted him to do. Whether to wait on Him and trust His timing or to act now by taking a job sooner if his new job wouldn't be starting for several more months (but not wanting to choose that out of fear of the unknown).
Well yesterday the offer came eight days before his last day of official work on active duty. We are SO thankful that God chose to answer our prayers so quickly. It reminded me when he did the same thing several years ago when we were preparing to move from California. He provided us with a tenant before we even moved out of our house.
My Love's tentative start date is October 21st. His paid leave ends October 26th. God is so good. As with everything else with the military, all things are subject to change. He could start sooner or later than planned. But we are praising God today that he has an offer and he knows when his job "will" start. There is no need to pursue other work and we can just enjoy a couple of months of time together as a family. I mean, when will we ever have that option again?
Thank you for praying for our family.
I was made acutely aware this morning that not all prayers go answered so quickly. We lifted some for several loved ones at the start of this day that we have been praying for years. We praise God for answering those too. He is good in the swift provision and he is good in the waiting place.
One more week of active duty work for My Love. Keep the prayers coming.
Well yesterday the offer came eight days before his last day of official work on active duty. We are SO thankful that God chose to answer our prayers so quickly. It reminded me when he did the same thing several years ago when we were preparing to move from California. He provided us with a tenant before we even moved out of our house.
My Love's tentative start date is October 21st. His paid leave ends October 26th. God is so good. As with everything else with the military, all things are subject to change. He could start sooner or later than planned. But we are praising God today that he has an offer and he knows when his job "will" start. There is no need to pursue other work and we can just enjoy a couple of months of time together as a family. I mean, when will we ever have that option again?
Thank you for praying for our family.
I was made acutely aware this morning that not all prayers go answered so quickly. We lifted some for several loved ones at the start of this day that we have been praying for years. We praise God for answering those too. He is good in the swift provision and he is good in the waiting place.
One more week of active duty work for My Love. Keep the prayers coming.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
ten days
In ten days, My Love will be unemployed. After ten years in active duty service to our country, he will be pursuing work as a civilian. Will you consider praying for him over the next week an a half? We trust that God is in control of the logistics of whatever comes next but I know it will be emotionally hard for him to close the door on this chapter and put on the uniform for the last time. Especially when it is ending sooner than he may have first planned fifteen years ago. Thank you friends. I hope to write more again soon.
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