"Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or
waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of
pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting." -Dr. Seuss
What am I waiting for? This is the moment God has called me to live today. Why do I think serving him in any other capacity than what this moment holds is more worth while? I choose not to wait. I choose to live for him today. To be present with the Holy Spirit in the now and be used however best brings him glory. Whatever I am waiting for may never come and then what? What kind of life would this be? One that stood in line waiting for my life to start? I choose to live for Christ. I choose to wait on him daily. Not for some super spiritual calling but for whatever he has planned for me on this day.
"As I prompt you--act. When you have no clear guidance, then go forward quietly along the path of duty I have set before you. No fear, no panic, quietly doing your daily duty. This attitude of faith will receive its reward, as surely as the acting upon My direct Guidance. Rejoice in the sense of security that is yours." -God Calling
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Monday, June 25, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
who are you?
I won't lie. My four year old son has been running me ragged lately. He challenges my every word and chooses defiance over obedience. Sometimes I just look at him and ask out loud (or in my head), "Who are you?" I feel like I tell him over and over again that when Mommy/Daddy gives him an instruction he needs to obey it. Not give excuses or delay in response or pretend he doesn't hear me or offer a better idea or negotiate consequences or get distracted. Sigh. Just listen and obey.
While I was particularly frazzled while trying to take them out on a fun adventure, I realized something big and my heart sank.
He is four.
I am thirty.
And God tells me over and over again that he has a purpose for my life. He wants me to listen to and obey his word. He has proved himself faithful and worthy of my trust. And yet I defy. I want to see the big picture and I question his plan. I give excuses and delay in response because I think I know better. I sit silently pretending I didn't hear that instruction because I know it might hurt. I try to negotiate a better idea because I feel out of control. I think my plan is more thought out. I wiggle in my chair and get distracted by whatever idol I give my focus to above him in this moment.
He tells me to trust him. To listen to him. To obey his words.
And I fail.
Suddenly I am thankful for my four year old boy. I mean, of course I am. But today I am reminded that My Father never gets frazzled or run ragged by my 30 years of disobedience. The Holy Spirit breathes peace and patience. He never looks at me with his head tilted and asks, "Who are you?" but rather says, "I made you so trust in who you KNOW that I am!"
Breathe.
His grace is overwhelming.
While I was particularly frazzled while trying to take them out on a fun adventure, I realized something big and my heart sank.
He is four.
I am thirty.
And God tells me over and over again that he has a purpose for my life. He wants me to listen to and obey his word. He has proved himself faithful and worthy of my trust. And yet I defy. I want to see the big picture and I question his plan. I give excuses and delay in response because I think I know better. I sit silently pretending I didn't hear that instruction because I know it might hurt. I try to negotiate a better idea because I feel out of control. I think my plan is more thought out. I wiggle in my chair and get distracted by whatever idol I give my focus to above him in this moment.
He tells me to trust him. To listen to him. To obey his words.
And I fail.
Suddenly I am thankful for my four year old boy. I mean, of course I am. But today I am reminded that My Father never gets frazzled or run ragged by my 30 years of disobedience. The Holy Spirit breathes peace and patience. He never looks at me with his head tilted and asks, "Who are you?" but rather says, "I made you so trust in who you KNOW that I am!"
Breathe.
His grace is overwhelming.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
head up
Today is the beginning of the first step in our journey into foster parenting. It is hard to believe that the very idea only came into our minds a few months ago. Since then there has been much prayer and discussion about what will start today. Our training classes will be every Tuesday night for the next eight weeks. My friend will be coming to watch the kids while we take the classes and we are so grateful that God brought her back into our lives during this time. Good things, people. He is going to do all kinds of good things.
The application is completed. There will be an upcoming home study. After our family vacation to see relatives this spring, we will be coming home to a new chapter for our lives. I expect we will not receive our first placement call until May (when we return). Until then, we will remain in prayer and hope to learn a lot about the process through these training classes.
Pray for us.
I can't help but think about an experience I had with Bundle Boy this week. After getting a new bike for his birthday, he learned how to ride the bad boy with training wheels around the block while we walked the dog. He fell off of it at some point and is now terrified to ride it.
His fear has been debilitating. I will admit my patience has been limited and my understanding of his anxiety has been lacking. But I am stubborn. This weekend I made him get back on his bike (with a helmet, training wheels, my hand holding on, and his full knowledge of how to pedal and brake) and he was stuck in a panic between each revolution of the pedals. It has been frustrating. No amount of encouraging words or reminding of his days riding like the wind faster than I could run would break his fear. We prayed on the completely level sidewalk asking God to take his fear and give him courage to trust him with what seemed scary. He was still crippled. It took him about 30 minutes to "ride" his bike to the corner and back. It wasn't exactly enjoyable for either of us. But he did it.
From the outside, my encouraging words turned to frustration. I have never seen him like this. I was helpless to take his anxious thoughts and replace them with any semblance of confidence.
Then I noticed something. As he was holding on with a death grip hunched over the bike, I realized his head was facing down. He was focusing on the pedals and ground below him. He was putting his faith in his ability to ride the bike and keep himself from falling off. I told him to raise his head. To look up at the road before him so he could see where he was going. Suddenly he was pedaling "faster". We were actually going somewhere now.
We got back to our driveway and he asked if he could get off now. We had made some progress but he was definitely done for the day. He spoke with all pride about how he had ridden his bike when from my perspective he was no where near riding it the way he once had. It was baby steps forward none the less.
So we ride on raising our heads keeping our eyes on what God is doing on the path before us. We are choosing not to put all our focus and faith in our own capabilities because frankly history tells us we will crash. We have to trust.
We pray for the little ones that will come stay with us for a time. I hope we remember that if their fears become debilitating we won't put too much faith in our ability to give encouraging words or reminders of all the things keeping them safe.
No.
It seems all we will need to do is tell them to lift their eyes up. To trust the One who casts out all fear so that he may give them the strength to ride like the wind all on their own.
The application is completed. There will be an upcoming home study. After our family vacation to see relatives this spring, we will be coming home to a new chapter for our lives. I expect we will not receive our first placement call until May (when we return). Until then, we will remain in prayer and hope to learn a lot about the process through these training classes.
Pray for us.
I can't help but think about an experience I had with Bundle Boy this week. After getting a new bike for his birthday, he learned how to ride the bad boy with training wheels around the block while we walked the dog. He fell off of it at some point and is now terrified to ride it.
His fear has been debilitating. I will admit my patience has been limited and my understanding of his anxiety has been lacking. But I am stubborn. This weekend I made him get back on his bike (with a helmet, training wheels, my hand holding on, and his full knowledge of how to pedal and brake) and he was stuck in a panic between each revolution of the pedals. It has been frustrating. No amount of encouraging words or reminding of his days riding like the wind faster than I could run would break his fear. We prayed on the completely level sidewalk asking God to take his fear and give him courage to trust him with what seemed scary. He was still crippled. It took him about 30 minutes to "ride" his bike to the corner and back. It wasn't exactly enjoyable for either of us. But he did it.
From the outside, my encouraging words turned to frustration. I have never seen him like this. I was helpless to take his anxious thoughts and replace them with any semblance of confidence.
Then I noticed something. As he was holding on with a death grip hunched over the bike, I realized his head was facing down. He was focusing on the pedals and ground below him. He was putting his faith in his ability to ride the bike and keep himself from falling off. I told him to raise his head. To look up at the road before him so he could see where he was going. Suddenly he was pedaling "faster". We were actually going somewhere now.
We got back to our driveway and he asked if he could get off now. We had made some progress but he was definitely done for the day. He spoke with all pride about how he had ridden his bike when from my perspective he was no where near riding it the way he once had. It was baby steps forward none the less.
So we ride on raising our heads keeping our eyes on what God is doing on the path before us. We are choosing not to put all our focus and faith in our own capabilities because frankly history tells us we will crash. We have to trust.
We pray for the little ones that will come stay with us for a time. I hope we remember that if their fears become debilitating we won't put too much faith in our ability to give encouraging words or reminders of all the things keeping them safe.
No.
It seems all we will need to do is tell them to lift their eyes up. To trust the One who casts out all fear so that he may give them the strength to ride like the wind all on their own.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
safe in his arms
I was thinking about this post when I heard a song playing through Pandora yesterday. Safe by Phil Wickham. The chorus really spoke to me.
You're not alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
But not because I don't feel safe. It seemed like the very words I would likely sing to a foster child before they transition out of our home. So much about our future is out of our control. So much of our present is out of our control. It is time I start singing this song to remind me of the promises He made. We will be safe in His arms. We are not alone.
After the Super Bowl on Sunday night, I put Babydoll down with a fever and growing cough. I gave her Motrin around 9pm and was woken up after midnight by a yelping sound. I stood outside the Bundles' bedroom doors and then entered her room when I realized the sound came from there. I came in to find my 22 month old Baby Girl shaking in her bed, fists tight having a seizure. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.
It finally stopped after about a minute but she was completely out of it with eyes closed for several minutes later. My Love and I felt utterly helpless. We didn't know what to do. We called our ER which is 30 miles away and they advised us to take her to the closest one to our home. My Love took her and I stayed home with Brother so we didn't have to scare him. I kissed my baby goodbye wondering with a tiny bit of reality that I might not see her again. It was terrible. We had no idea what was going on.
After they left, I prayed. Speaking out loud through tears to the Lord acknowledging that Babydoll was in fact His and that I would choose to trust Him with whatever happens to her. Peace washed over me.
I called my Mom because I still have the luxury of doing that. She lives three hours behind us time-zone wise so it wasn't too late there. I cried. She prayed. Then I text J in Florida. Then a couple texts rolled in from sisters that I assumed my Mom had contacted. One was vacationing with her family in Hawaii. We were all praying.
I was up until 3:30am before I finally fell asleep. My Love was texting and calling when he could and I was relaying updates to waiting loved ones when I knew they were still awake too.
After a battery of tests, My Love finally came home with Babydoll in his arms at 6am. We were all exhausted. I had slept 2 1/2 hrs and they had slept none. Brother came bounding in the room at 6:45am to start his well rested day completely unaware of the drama the night before.
I have been thinking a lot about everything since then. Sissy is doing better now. Still snotty and coughing but the fever is gone. Apparently a sudden spike in temperature is not uncommon to trigger a seizure. It was scary though. But I guess now we know in case it happens again. Anyway my thoughts have been on going.
Do I really trust God with my children? Will I fully trust Him with the children he temporarily puts in my care? Do I truly believe that they are "safe in His arms"?
There is nothing like knowing you are completely helpless to make you realize it is actually a sweet place to be. You have to trust. There is nothing you can do. Why do I waste my time doing anything on my own? Why do I think I am enough for anyone? In in the most ideal circumstances, I can not promise complete safety in my arms. God can!
So I pray over my children today and the many that I will hold in my arms in the future. May they know that they are not alone. That even when everything is falling apart, they are safe in His arms. He will be with them always.
personal note: praying for you AD4!!
You're not alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
But not because I don't feel safe. It seemed like the very words I would likely sing to a foster child before they transition out of our home. So much about our future is out of our control. So much of our present is out of our control. It is time I start singing this song to remind me of the promises He made. We will be safe in His arms. We are not alone.
After the Super Bowl on Sunday night, I put Babydoll down with a fever and growing cough. I gave her Motrin around 9pm and was woken up after midnight by a yelping sound. I stood outside the Bundles' bedroom doors and then entered her room when I realized the sound came from there. I came in to find my 22 month old Baby Girl shaking in her bed, fists tight having a seizure. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.
It finally stopped after about a minute but she was completely out of it with eyes closed for several minutes later. My Love and I felt utterly helpless. We didn't know what to do. We called our ER which is 30 miles away and they advised us to take her to the closest one to our home. My Love took her and I stayed home with Brother so we didn't have to scare him. I kissed my baby goodbye wondering with a tiny bit of reality that I might not see her again. It was terrible. We had no idea what was going on.
After they left, I prayed. Speaking out loud through tears to the Lord acknowledging that Babydoll was in fact His and that I would choose to trust Him with whatever happens to her. Peace washed over me.
I called my Mom because I still have the luxury of doing that. She lives three hours behind us time-zone wise so it wasn't too late there. I cried. She prayed. Then I text J in Florida. Then a couple texts rolled in from sisters that I assumed my Mom had contacted. One was vacationing with her family in Hawaii. We were all praying.
I was up until 3:30am before I finally fell asleep. My Love was texting and calling when he could and I was relaying updates to waiting loved ones when I knew they were still awake too.
After a battery of tests, My Love finally came home with Babydoll in his arms at 6am. We were all exhausted. I had slept 2 1/2 hrs and they had slept none. Brother came bounding in the room at 6:45am to start his well rested day completely unaware of the drama the night before.
I have been thinking a lot about everything since then. Sissy is doing better now. Still snotty and coughing but the fever is gone. Apparently a sudden spike in temperature is not uncommon to trigger a seizure. It was scary though. But I guess now we know in case it happens again. Anyway my thoughts have been on going.
Do I really trust God with my children? Will I fully trust Him with the children he temporarily puts in my care? Do I truly believe that they are "safe in His arms"?
There is nothing like knowing you are completely helpless to make you realize it is actually a sweet place to be. You have to trust. There is nothing you can do. Why do I waste my time doing anything on my own? Why do I think I am enough for anyone? In in the most ideal circumstances, I can not promise complete safety in my arms. God can!
So I pray over my children today and the many that I will hold in my arms in the future. May they know that they are not alone. That even when everything is falling apart, they are safe in His arms. He will be with them always.
personal note: praying for you AD4!!
Monday, February 6, 2012
upon
1.up and on; upward so as to get or be on
2.in an elevated position on
3.in or into complete or approximate contact with
Tonight I am waiting UPON the LORD. And it is a very sweet place to be.
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