a year in review, 2012

About this time one year ago, I wrote down several key things I felt like God wanted me to work on and pray for in 2012.  Here is my look back at those goals.  Enjoy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------- *ABIDE:  I feel strongly that this year will be about learning how to abide.  To make God the focus of every moment and to pray in every circumstance.

Learning to abide in Him was definitely a reoccurring theme this past year for me.  You don't realize how much you compartmentalize the Lord in your life until you know what it feels like to need him every hour.  I am hopeless without Him.  I didn't go as far as tattooing it on my body but I did use a sharpie on my wrist to remind me on a few occasions.  I thought that was better than writing it on my child's forehead. Check out the jewelry J's friend had made.  So cool.  Awww yes.  To abide in Him is my [daily] life goal.

(mine)

(friend's)

                                                                                                (friend of a friend)

*BOLDNESS:  I have a feeling this will be a continual theme.  The years of "silent witness" seem to be behind me.  It has become easier for me to speak the name of Jesus but God has provided an all together new opportunity for me this year.  I am excited to see what God does in a new friendship with an unbeliever.

I'm not exactly sure I can say this goal was fulfilled this year.  God faithfully provided many opportunities to speak his name boldly in regular conversations with my friend but I know I could do better here.  Much of the fruit here might be unseen at this point.
 
*DIE TO SELF: It has become very clear to me that the only way God's love can flow through me to the lost and broken is for me to surrender all of me.  It is not easy.  I am a work in progress.  But I am hopeful by the end of this year I will be able to look in the mirror and see less of me and more of Him.  With disappointments, heartache, chaos, disruption, unpredictability on the horizon my focus can not be on what I want for this day if God is going to use me.
 
One of the biggest things I have learned in this area is that it is not really an attainable goal that can be measured at the end of the year.  It is a daily effort that I have to work hard at but the result is always fruitful.  

*PRAY: We spent 2011 learning to pray for the needs of others.  We were overwhelmed to watch God work and answer prayers in his timing.  Our faith was strengthened.  Each morning we would open up our journal and lift up the names of so many people in our lives.  Extended family, local friends, far away friends, our church.  Over the months new names/needs would be added.  God worked in many who didn't even know we were praying.  He was faithful to show us more than once what He was doing.  With a little perspective, we have come to realize we let our own family's prayer needs fall by the wayside without intention this past year.  Is it possible we have been offering up other people's Isaac's and holding tight to our own?  2012 will be about learning to pray for ourselves very specifically.  To pray for each other's hearts and weaknesses.  To see God work in our marriage.  To witness more transformation as he answers each prayer in his timing.  We will still be praying for you all, but we are putting our names higher on the prayer priority list with a sense of urgency.  We expect we will be praying a lot more this year.  I guess that is how you learn to abide in Christ and He in you.
 
We have definitely learned how to pray for our immediate family's physical, emotional and spiritual needs this year.  But we also learned something new on the topic.  It is hard to want to pray for/with someone when you feel disconnected from them in the moment.  We want God to reign in our marriage even when we don't feel like being around each other and that has taken some practice.  Praying more intentionally for the needs of our own family has bound us together in a deeper way this year. 

*SERVE: I want to be willing to be used by God in our church and community however would best bring him glory.

We have gotten more involved in our church this year.  We have committed indefinitely to serve in the toddler nursery once a month.  It has allowed us to stake out some of the younger families in our Body which has been a bonus.  My Love volunteered to travel with a team from our church after Thanksgiving to New Jersey.  They helped muck out homes after Hurricane Sandy.  He continues to be an example to our family of having a true servant's heart and I hope to better follow his lead in this area in the new year.  We were certified to become foster parents in our county this year after an eight week training and a home visit.  We continue to wait for a placement and remain available to be used by God in this way when his timing is right. God has asked me to be more available to friendships in my community and that has probably been the biggest reason for the lack of blogging in recent months.  We see opportunities for serving people in our local community more in the new year.     

*HOSPITALITY:  I want our home to be open to any and every one who might need a place to stay/eat/live.  We honestly believe he gave us this house for his good purpose and we want the doors to be open to all at a moment's notice.  I guess I should learn how to be a better house keeper too then.  *sigh*  A bigger house means more work for me.  Cleaning does not make me jump for joy, people.  I can think of 100 other things I would rather do.  But I want our house to be available to be used by God at any time which means clutter needs to be addressed and bathrooms need to be maintained.  Perhaps I will learn to love cleaning for his glory.  How did this bullet point turn into doing house work?  Is My Love reading this?  Let's move on.  

I wouldn't say my love for housecleaning has increased.  Or that I clean any more often.  But I do feel as if I have been more eager to open my home at a moment's notice when an opportunity arises.  That sometimes means kid clutter and dog-hair bunnies and dirty dishes piled on the kitchen counter much too long, but fellowship still happens here and we love welcoming people in.  Friends and family from near and far are welcome. 

*READ: I need to make more time to read.  As an adult, I have learned how to get lost in a book and I hope the new year allows for more opportunities to do that.  Once again this brings focus to prioritizing better.  With the addition of foster children, many things at the bottom of the list will be sacrificed. Our marriage, children, home, friendships, prayer, loving, serving, blogging, and reading seem to be the only things worth preserving.  Kind of freeing actually.  

It took me a while to realize how much reading I actually did this year.  More than usual.  I did three devotional studies.  One with our women's Bible study (Enhancing Your Marriage by Judy Rossi).  One with our Life Group (Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas).  One with my sister via Skype (James: Mercy Triumphs by Beth Moore).  I also did A LOT of reading about foster care through the library.  Many, many educational and factual books about the System as well as books written by former foster children (The Lost Boy and A Man Named Dave both by David Pelzer, Castaway Kid by R.B. Miller) and foster parents (Another Place at the Table by Kathy Harrison).  It consumed my down time for several months and I am thankful for all the information I was able to glean through the broad library resources.  And after two years, I finally got an opportunity to read Hope Unseen by Scotty Smiley whose brother is a friend of ours.  It is his written experience of becoming the first blind active duty solider and all that God did in and through him because of it.  I highly recommend it.  I also read Kisses From Katie: A Story of Relentless Love and Redemption by Katie Davis while traveling to see family.  It was definitely an inspiring tear-jerker. 

*DATE: Enough said.
  
We did do better about dates this year but they didn't actually look the way you might think.  Because our Life Group meets every other Friday evening, we hired a babysitter so we could participate.  We managed to sneak away for date on a few special occasions but it looks like 2013 might prove to be the best year for our dating life.  With new-old friends moving to the area in early December, we have already had the chance to swap babysitting each other's kids for free.  Oh yes.  I could see this being a very good arrangement indeed. 

*LOVE:  I want to learn to love how Christ loves.  To see others through his eyes.  
 
 
 Another work in progress that needs reminding.

*SALVATION:  We are praying for many to come to know Jesus as their Savior and Lord.  May this be the year that the Holy Spirit opens their eyes and hearts of those we have been lifting to Him.  Will you join us by praying with confident expectation for the lost that God has put in your lives?  
 
Our prayers are continually lifted on the behalf of many loved ones.  He is Sovereign.  His timing is perfect and complete.

*BOUNDARIES:  With all this serving and hospitality we have learned some very important lessons.  We need boundaries.  We need firm priorities that are not affected by constant changes in the wind and rain of the storms coming.  This is a time sensitive goal.  With every long term house guest has come opportunities to learn this concept.  God has been good to show us this need before the abnormal becomes normal.  With boundaries and structure in priorities the unexpected that will fall in our laps will be less likely to blow us down.  We choose to cling to our foundation and each other.  Their can be peace in the chaos.  We choose to abide...and create boundaries.  

With My Love's lengthy stay home we had lots of opportunities to practice boundaries with our time and priorities.  We have learned that good communication helps this goal tremendously.  As well as understanding the overall mission of our family. 

*EDUCATION:  I REALLY want Brother to be in some kind of structured pre-K kind of schooling at home.  He is more than ready and I know if he has something in place the unpredictable days ahead will be less stressful for him...and me.  (temporary note: this Saturday is a homeschool gathering at our new church.  Perhaps this goal will be well underway sooner than I think)

Brother has been thriving since April with the kindergarten curriculum we have chosen for him this year.  We have created a good routine for schooling at home and it has been such a blessing for our entire family this year.  So far so good.
 
*STUDY:  My Love and I would like to do a Bible/book study together this year.  It has been a few years since we have done something like this.  I am hopeful it will open doors for better communication and deepen our connection.  We are both really excited to see what God will teach us together.  Have any book suggestions?
 
Our communication, connection, and understanding of each other continues to grow whenever we have a chance to do a study together.  Thankful that this year included several. 

--------------------------------------------------------------
And that is about it folks.

foster care, love, and the presence of God

Hang on, people, because the roller coaster that is my life just took a turn.


God is funny like that.  He gives you peace in a situation that you have resolved you can't wrap your mind around and then he reminds you once again that he is in control so don't go drawing conclusions prematurely.


Let me back up.  I wrote this post on Wednesday and then Thursday I got a text from a local friend who was looking to get her hair cut and needed some moral support.  I think she even used those words.  I need you.  The kids and I were just wrapping up school so at 10:45am I packed their lunch and left them with my friend's two older children so W and I could have a few hours for girl time.  I am not that spontaneous, people.  The kids were thrilled to go though and had a good time while we got our hair cut and went out to lunch.

W and I made it to the salon after trying two others with no success.  She tracked down this girl who had changed locations and was able to get us both in (I decided to get mine cut too.).  I'm not sure how much support I was able to give my friend, but her haircut turned out great so I hopped in the chair after her.  R and I started chatting.  She asked how I knew my friend and I asked if she was originally from this state.  That is when God showed up.  

R went on to share that she GREW UP IN FOSTER CARE IN OUR COUNTY.  She was sexually abused by her alcoholic father and her mother chose to stay with him.  R was the only child removed from the home as they assumed her brothers were safe.  She ended up living with her grandma until age 7 when she died and R went into foster care.  She said she lived in a different home every year and was never adopted.  Our conversation was supernatural.  She kept talking and cutting and cutting and talking and I was a little afraid I was going to come out of the chair with a pixie cut but all was well.

I asked her what advice she would give to foster parents who wanted to do the best for the children placed with them.  "Just love them," she said.  "So many families acted like since they were happy I should just be happy but I wasn't."  She told me about one older couple who had been like loving parents to her, but when the wife died when R was 15 and they didn't think the husband (who was a disabled vet) could care for her and the other foster teens in the home, she had to leave.  R was emancipated from the state at 17 when she got her cosmetology license and has been on her own since.  She did go back to that man's house when she wound up pregnant and alone at 20 (she gave the baby up for adoption) and he took her in as his own during that chapter of her life.  There were three other former foster kids living there also.  She felt love and acceptance from this man.  "Sometimes I just needed to be sad and he gave me the freedom to do that.  We just buried him a week and a half ago."  Chills ran through my body and my face fought back tears.  "There were 31 former foster kids (who many are like family to her) at his funeral.  He made a big impact in so many people's lives and most of us went on to make something good of ourselves.  I wish he could be here to give you advice."  It chokes me up to think about that divine spontaneous appointment.  I drove away being reminded that God is ultimately in control of my life and can act when and how he wants.

I went to my women's Bible study that evening.  I walked in and sat down in the front row of the room a chair away from another girl in my small group.  "I thought of you this week," she said.  "My friend was trained to be foster parents in our county about a year and a half ago and they never got a call in all that time.  They were discouraged and confused as they clearly felt God calling them into this service for him.  Well over the July 4th weekend they got that call and they welcomed a sibling set of three of the sweetest kids who were placed in foster care for the first time.  They expect it to be for six months."  Of course there was more to the conversation but I was once again floored by God's involvement in my little life.  I told N about God's recent revelation to me (shared in the previous post) and then what had happened at the salon and now her conversation with me there.  We sat in awe at how God was moving in my life.


So we wait.  Not for some desired or expected result but trusting that he is in control and that he doesn't want us to give up on his perfect and complete plan to use our lives.


Pray for us.

Then the Bible study started where one of the two leaders gives a lesson before we break off into smaller groups.  I kept smiling as I took bullet points down an a sticky note found in the bottom of my purse.  1 Corinthians 13 was preached about on Sunday morning as we visited our old church.  Verse 13, "And these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."  And there it was being shared again as she too focused on the whole chapter.  She spent time on verse 8, "Love never fails." Meanwhile the speaker's husband was in the sanctuary behind us doing worship practice to this song and then this song unbeknownst to her I'm sure.  You couldn't have planned those moments better.  God is awesome.  The rest of her talk included John 15, the vine and the branches, abiding in Christ, how plants work, how fruit grows, and of course the fruit of the Spirit (which Brother has been singing around here for months).  She polished it all off with a bit of Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."  (which is also a line in one of the above worship songs) Yes, Lord.  I hear your broad repetitions in my life.


Now you might be thinking, what does all this talk of love and vines and abiding and fruit have to do with foster care?  Well it doesn't really.  All it speaks to me is that God is present in my life.  He repeats himself.  He is alive and he wants me to know even when I have no idea where this life is going, he is leading me.  So there.

I used some birthday money sent by my grandma to buy this wall hanging to put in my green dining room.  I had been looking for a little something to remind me to BE loving (yes I need to be reminded) and there it was while I was shopping for a friend.  I went back and bought it for myself today (with a 30% off coupon).  Happy Birthday to me.  Thanks Grandma (who doesn't read this blog)!

So yes, I realize this post is all over the place but sometimes the presence of God makes me feel that way.  It is a friendship like I have never had and I am so thankful that he loves me and tells me so often. 

love one another

The the exact cry of my heart this week...

What's New About the New Commandment?

LOVE, part 1

They say death is a part of life.


What if death was life?


The world sends us messages every day.  It tells us what we need and want and must have.  It tells us we are worthy and special and entitled.  Even Burger King says "[I] can have it [my] way".  The world makes my life all about me.  I can be anyone I want to be.  I can do anything I want to do.  Life is what I make of it and then I die.  That seems so sad to me.  No wonder people fear death.  They make their whole life about themselves and then often beyond their complete control life ends without their say-so.


What if we died long before the end of our lives?  What if we willingly gave our lives up?  What if we lived every minute not for self?  Wouldn't that be completely opposite from the way the world chooses to live?  Perhaps that is exactly where we need to start.


I can hear it now.  "What does all of this have to do with love?  She has completely lost it."


When I accepted Christ as my Savior and Lord my body became the temple of the Holy Spirit.  He lives in me.  Something dawned on me this week.  If I live my life for myself, how can anyone see God in me?  He is there.  I believe it.  But all too often I make my life about me.  My wants.  My needs.  My opinions.  I don't seek first the kingdom of God.  Don't get me wrong.  I invite him to be a part of my daily life.  But what if God was my whole life?  What would my life look life if I surrendered it all to him?  People would see God, that is what it would look like.  Every day it would be undeniable.  My life would look completely opposite than the world defines it.  With my death to self comes His life.  And if they see  God in me, they see LOVE.


I think about a girl who lives in Uganda and has given her whole life to God.  Even as Christians we look at that and think "Wow, how could she do that?  Give up her "life of luxury" and move to a poor country indefinitely?"  Her life is not her own.  She died long ago.  So when we see Katie Davis, we see God's LOVE and we can't deny it.  It looks different from the world.


What if every Christian lived that way?  Not move to an African country (to serve the poor and take in orphans) per se but chose to die so that He could fully live in them.  When you take yourself out of the spotlight of your own life it is amazing what comes naturally from the Spirit.  Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.  When we only give God a portion of our life to try and squeeze His Spirit into, it often gets drowned out by self, by the cares of this world.  Our attempt at love, joy, peace, etc. by our own strength seems to reflect the world's definitions of those things rather than God Himself.  Even striving to be kind/good/gentle for the right motives (to please God) makes our life about us.  It is not until we die to ourselves that we see Him living in us. 

I hope someone will speak at my memorial service someday and say, "Today we are thankful for her life because it was not her own.  She actually died (long ago) in 2012 and after that all we saw was God's love."  Wouldn't funerals be a lot more joyful?  OK, maybe they would still be sad, but if we had died to self long before the end our own life God would be seen in our life and death.  We wouldn't be remembered as a "good person".  When they knew us on earth, they knew God because our life completely reflected who he is.  I want to live like that. 

You know who else lived like that?  Jesus.  He came to earth to sacrifice his own life to save us from our sin.  He made a way for us to come to God and have a relationship with him.  But while he was here, she showed us how to live.  He showed us how to really LOVE.  
 
More to come... 

gathering more tools

My parents gave me a study Bible in 1996 when I was in high school.  The binding is missing half of the leather and the edges of the cover are cracked but it still works.  Back then and into my college years, I remember sitting down to read a passage studying the commentary and following little foot notes to scripture throughout the Bible.  I would flip back and forth following another verse foot note.  Underlining and highlighting (gasp!).  It has been years since I studied that way (I do mostly book studies and devotionals now) but last night I got caught up in it once again.  My Love bought me a new Bible (ESV) for Christmas.  It was totally unexpected and so thoughtful.  I have started studying again.

At dinner I replayed this song at the table while the kids and I ate.  Bundle Boy sang along at the parts he knew and Babydoll lifted her hands.  It was emotional for me to witness but I held it together and sang the words out loud to remind myself of the truth.


The bridge (is that the right term?) started and I heard it again.


I lift my eyes up
My help comes from the Lord


Funny that part of the song didn't come to mind when I shared this post.  God was saying something and he was repeating it.  From there (Still at the table.  Don't judge.  My Love is out of town.) I tried to look up the actual worship song that I remember singing in high school when our youth group met on the beach of a local lake during the summer to worship and hear the Word.  I couldn't find a decent YouTube track that wasn't extremely distracting (ie. ska).  Some of the videos were labeled Psalm 121.  I opened my Bible and read it.  I reread Psalm 145 (a scripture my sister shared with me in a comment).  Then the flipping started.  More tools for my belt.  More repetition.  More truth.  I couldn't get enough.  Did I mention this was not happening at the dinner table but on the toilet in my bath room (while sitting on the closed lid) while my Bundles took a bath together after dinner?  Now you know.  I scribbled scripture references on a notepad.  Water periodically splashed out of the tub and I remembered to parent.

God has been clearly telling me that the words of encouragement I will need when the dark days fall on us will ONLY be scripture.  Take note people.  This will be your job.  

Gathering more tools for my BELT OF TRUTH. 


Psalm 147:3 "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  

*Oh, LORD, remind me that only You will be able to heal their broken hearts.  And ours too.  Thank you.


Psalm 144:1-2 "Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; his is my steadfast love and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield and he in whom I take refuge, who subdues people under me."


*Oh, LORD, you are my rock and training me for battle.  Remind me that you are MY steadfast love, fortress, stronghold, deliverer, shield, refuge and it isn't just up to me to remember all you taught me.  You will be fighting with me.  Thank you.


Psalm 145:14-19 "The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.  The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season.  You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing.  The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works.  The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.  He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them."

*Oh, LORD, on those dark days please hold me up.  Remind me that even then you will provide, satisfy, be kind, be near, hear my cry and save me.  Thank you. 


Psalm 91:1 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shelter of the Almighty."

*Oh, LORD, teach me to dwell in the shelter of your wings so that I may abide.  Thank you.


And just for fun, God brought me here.  Remember when a friend shared part of this passage awhile back and I knew I would need it again someday?  No?  Then maybe I didn't share it here.  Follow this link to her original post.  And then read this.  I love it when God repeats himself even months later.

Psalm 126:1-6 "When the LORD restored the fortunes of Zion we were like whose who dream.  Then our mouth was filled with laughter, and our tongue with shouts of joy; then they said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them,"  The LORD has done great things for us; we are glad.  Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negeb!  "Those who sow in tears shall reap in shouts of joy!  He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."


Oh, LORD, remind us in times of deep sadness and heartache that you WILL restore us to laughter and joy like as if it were a dream because we can't imagine it ever happening again.  Choosing to do the hard thing is worth it.  Thank you.

Mmmmm.  Nourishing to my soul.  Who knew multitasking during bath time could be so fruitful (no pun intended...I think they turned into prunes from soaking so long).

of coffee and face wash and storms

I'm on day three of voluntarily not drinking coffee.  If I wasn't crazy before, I most definitely am now.

I didn't intend on giving it up but a few days ago I heard God clearly asking me what I was doing differently to learn how to abide in him.  I was still plugging along doing the things I had been doing and the warfare hit.  Hard.  I wasn't equipped.  I kept hearing him say that I needed to put on the WHOLE armor (like ten times through many sources) of God and I wasn't exactly dressing myself any differently than normal.  The storms hit.  It was like the movies, people.  When the main characters are standing outside at night when all of a sudden there is a downpour.  Every time I see a scene like that in a movie I question the reality of the situation.  There is usually a gentle sprinkle before the hard rain falls.  Not around here this week.  We have been having some good days (even seeing God speak to us together) and then *bam* the storm hits us unexpectedly.

We both acknowledge the storms are a tool of the devil.  But God is working all of it together for good.

We choose to see the storms differently than our enemy presents them to us (in the form of fear, doubt, conflict, division...). 

Have you ever started using a new facewash?  The first few days can bring a lot of junk to the surface of your skin that you didn't know was there.  You start questioning if it is really working or if your skin is just too sensitive for this type of cleanser.  After all, your skin actually looks and feels worse from using it.  You press on though.  You know it is just unearthing the dirt that your old face wash left behind.  Several days pass of faithfully washing your face with the new cleanser and you realize with the touch of your cheek and a glance in the mirror that your skin is actually smoother and clearer than before. 

That is what is happening around here.  We are dealing with red spots and pimples and rough patches that were being ignored by our old way of living.  It hasn't been easy.  There have been some difficult talks arguments but we choose to trust this process.  We are purging all the dead stuff.

One night after a particularly loud conversation where harsh words were flung in both directions, I went for a drive (not my usual MO).  Sometimes being alone helps we hear from the Lord better.  He started talking.

I was humbled.

Of the many things He said to me that night one was asking me what I was doing differently to abide in him.  It caused me to pause and think about what things in my life I still wasn't surrendering.  What earthly things was I relying on when I could be trusting him instead?  You guessed it.  Coffee came to mind.  My socially acceptable crutch/addiction.  A friend and I were talking last week about how when we were pregnant with our first child we didn't drink coffee.  We gave it up.  By the time my second Bundle came around I was drinking one to two cups of coffee again a day.  These days I find myself needing 2-3 cups of coffee just to start my morning in prayer and reading.  I have been dragging and I am less than peaceful after rolling out of bed and heading downstairs to spend time with My Love before work.

What if I relied on God to start my day?  To actually get it started.  Not rely on coffee to get to a place to commune with Him.  Don't I already KNOW Him to be more than enough?

I came home after my drive and repented to my husband and made a bold announcement that I was giving up coffee until God told me I could start drinking it again.

Day One came and my attitude stunk.  I drug myself downstairs and opened my new Bible and started looking up scripture about "awake" and "alert".  I wrote them on a sheet of paper.  I read and reread them.  I bit My Love's head off during this time of "abiding" when he asked me if I wanted to pray with him before he left for work.  Cue storm.  He didn't exactly understand my process but I knew God wanted me to do this.  I knew it would be hard.  I kept reading almost afraid of looking up from the pages because I knew I would lose it.  My head was already aching from withdrawals.  Do you know how troubling that is?  That there is actually a physical reaction to giving up something that came before the Lord.  My concordance took me to Isaiah 51:9 "Awake, awake, put on strength..."  Matthew 24:42 "Therefore, stay awake..."  Luke 21:36  "But stay awake at all times, praying that you may have strength to escape all these things that are going to take place..."  Then 1 Thessalonians 5:6,8 "...but let us keep awake and be sober...having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and for a helmet the hope of salvation."  I was touched by this subtle reference to God's armor.  Finally I followed the word "alert" to Ephesians 6:18 without even thinking and found "praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication.  To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints."  My eyes looked back a few verses and noticed I was right where God had been bringing me to time and time again for a couple of weeks.  Ephesians 6:10-18.

Needless to say I was praying and studying these verses many times the first two days I drudged through without coffee.  My head ached.  My nerves were on edge.  And God continues to ask me to give my everything to Him.  Today I almost buckled and reached for the cold leftovers from My Love's pot to reheat in the microwave.  I didn't wake with a craving on day 3 and announced to myself that I was in the clear.  As I lifted the mug up to the machine, my hand hit the door and the coffee spilled all over.  Yes Lord.  I will continue to give this to you if it teaches me to abide.

What might this look like for you?  If you are already reading and praying, consider what else he might be asking you to surrender.  There are some things that we think are a non issue but can easily get in our way of hearing from Him.  Watching TV, eating sweets, spending money...  What is something that you do often that might be consuming some of your ability to abide in Christ?

I have not sworn off coffee forever (please, Lord), but in the midst of the storms of this chapter I figured what better time than now to heap on more weakness.  To be honest, it hasn't been the best time but my disobedience would require consequence.

Please don't freak out.  My Love and I are actually doing well (today).  Some moments feel like we move forward a step and then a storm slams us back five.  But we keep walking hand in hand determined to be stronger in him when this battle is through.

After all, we know that the war has already been won.

Our foster parenting classes begin in 2 1/2 weeks.  I imagine there will be more storms between now and then.  Please pray for us.

Have I mentioned God provided childcare for our classes?  That is a post for another day.  He really is amazing, people.

in the new year, 2012

At the end of a year I like to look back at all God has done and reflect on what he might be prompting me to do/change in the year ahead.  Life has been busy the last few weeks so He has had a little bonus time to show me clearly what I will need to focus on the most in 2012.  Just for fun I am going to share them here and at year's end I'll come back and remember what God did through it all.  Pray for us.


*ABIDE:  I feel strongly that this year will be about learning how to abide.  To make God the focus of every moment and to pray in every circumstance.


*BOLDNESS:  I have a feeling this will be a continual theme.  The years of "silent witness" seem to be behind me.  It has become easier for me to speak the name of Jesus but God has provided an all together new opportunity for me this year.  I am excited to see what God does in a new friendship with an unbeliever.


*DIE TO SELF: It has become very clear to me that the only way God's love can flow through me to the lost and broken is for me to surrender all of me.  It is not easy.  I am a work in progress.  But I am hopeful by the end of this year I will be able to look in the mirror and see less of me and more of Him.  With disappointments, heartache, chaos, disruption, unpredictability on the horizon my focus can not be on what I want for this day if God is going to use me.


*PRAY: We spent 2011 learning to pray for the needs of others.  We were overwhelmed to watch God work and answer prayers in his timing.  Our faith was strengthened.  Each morning we would open up our journal and lift up the names of so many people in our lives.  Extended family, local friends, far away friends, our church.  Over the months new names/needs would be added.  God worked in many who didn't even know we were praying.  He was faithful to show us more than once what He was doing.  With a little perspective, we have come to realize we let our own family's prayer needs fall by the wayside without intention this past year.  Is it possible we have been offering up other people's Isaac's and holding tight to our own?  2012 will be about learning to pray for ourselves very specifically.  To pray for each other's hearts and weaknesses.  To see God work in our marriage.  To witness more transformation as he answers each prayer in his timing.  We will still be praying for you all, but we are putting our names higher on the prayer priority list with a sense of urgency.  We expect we will be praying a lot more this year.  I guess that is how you learn to abide in Christ and He in you.


*SERVE: I want to be willing to be used by God in our church and community however would best bring him glory.


*HOSPITALITY:  I want our home to be open to any and every one who might need a place to stay/eat/live.  We honestly believe he gave us this house for his good purpose and we want the doors to be open to all at a moment's notice.  I guess I should learn how to be a better house keeper too then.  *sigh*  A bigger house means more work for me.  Cleaning does not make me jump for joy, people.  I can think of 100 other things I would rather do.  But I want our house to be available to be used by God at any time which means clutter needs to be addressed and bathrooms need to be maintained.  Perhaps I will learn to love cleaning for his glory.  How did this bullet point turn into doing house work?  Is My Love reading this?  Let's move on.


*READ: I need to make more time to read.  As an adult, I have learned how to get lost in a book and I hope the new year allows for more opportunities to do that.  Once again this brings focus to prioritizing better.  With the addition of foster children, many things at the bottom of the list will be sacrificed. Our marriage, children, home, friendships, prayer, loving, serving, blogging, and reading seem to be the only things worth preserving.  Kind of freeing actually.


*DATE: Enough said.


*LOVE:  I want to learn to love how Christ loves.  To see others through his eyes. 


*SALVATION:  We are praying for many to come to know Jesus as their Savior and Lord.  May this be the year that the Holy Spirit opens their eyes and hearts of those we have been lifting to Him.  Will you join us by praying with confident expectation for the lost that God has put in your lives? 


*BOUNDARIES:  With all this serving and hospitality we have learned some very important lessons.  We need boundaries.  We need firm priorities that are not affected by constant changes in the wind and rain of the storms coming.  This is a time sensitive goal.  With every long term house guest has come opportunities to learn this concept.  God has been good to show us this need before the abnormal becomes normal.  With boundaries and structure in priorities the unexpected that will fall in our laps will be less likely to blow us down.  We choose to cling to our foundation and each other.  Their can be peace in the chaos.  We choose to abide...and create boundaries.


*EDUCATION:  I REALLY want Brother to be in some kind of structured pre-K kind of schooling at home.  He is more than ready and I know if he has something in place the unpredictable days ahead will be less stressful for him...and me.  (temporary note: this Saturday is a homeschool gathering at our new church.  Perhaps this goal will be well underway sooner than I think)


*STUDY:  My Love and I would like to do a Bible/book study together this year.  It has been a few years since we have done something like this.  I am hopeful it will open doors for better communication and deepen our connection.  We are both really excited to see what God will teach us together.  Have any book suggestions?


Ok.  I think that is more than enough to focus on this year.  I challenge you to seek the Lord and ask Him what he would have you work on this year in your own lives.