thoughts

I have a lot on my mind.

Thoughts of friends who haven gone on short term missions trips to places like England and Haiti and India.  I want to know how they are doing and what God has done in their lives.  You can not return unchanged.

Thoughts of others who have committed this season of their lives to full time missions in Spain.  I want to hear how they are REALLY doing.

Thoughts of a sibling expecting her first baby and another expecting her second.  It has been way too long since we have spoken last and I wonder what this season of life has been like for them before everything changes...for the better.

Thoughts of a friend who had a miscarriage while her husband was out of town.  I wish I could hug her every day if only the miles didn't separate us.

Thoughts of a friend who sent her firstborn off to kindergarten this week.  What a milestone!

Thoughts of a fifth location being opened up in a friend's small business.

Thoughts of several college roommates who I haven't spoken with in months and in fact years.  Wondering how even to pray for them when I have no idea how they are doing.

Thoughts of a friend waiting for the results of the second state BAR exam.

Thoughts of family that is struggling with other family, at least three separate situations.  I so long to fix the pain all around but know only God is capable of a complete healing.

Thoughts of family and friends who are unemployed both near and far.  How stressful their days must be.

Thoughts of an impending wedding and wishing I could impart wisdom only learned after nine years that I know can not even be understood until experienced.

Thoughts of many friends in the process of adoption, either adjusting to the new addition, awaiting their official gotcha-day, or still listening for the phone to ring.  Oh how the heart aches in the waiting.  How do you do dishes and fold laundry when your child is somewhere out there?

So many thoughts of loved ones consume my mind.  I want to spend hours and days talking, catching up, listening, writing.  I really want to know how we can continue praying for each one of them.  I want them (and many others) to know we are thinking about what they are going through.

On the other hand the personal struggles around me seem so urgent that all I want to do is curl up in my house and shut out the world until I can emerge looking more like Christ and less like me.  Our marriage needs to be healed.  I want to selfishly put all these thoughts on hold and focus on myself for awhile.  This dawned on me just yesterday as the day drew to a close and I looked at a text on my phone through puffy, emotionally-drained eyes.

"Grandma is at [the hospital]..."

The thoughts are many.  I hope to put those thoughts to action soon.  To connect with many I love and care deeply for.  Even in my silence we are praying for them.  But for now action seems only able to be solely spent here.  There is much work to be done and TODAY is the day to do it.

Pray for us and my grandma.