i'll tell you i'm grateful again

It is late here.  I have several posts that I need to get to but tonight isn't the time.


God is repeating himself again and my ears are more in tune to receive it.  


Abide in Me.  I am the Vine.


I think he sees me slipping back into my old pattern of self and is trying to draw me back to Himself.  Well of course he sees me.  I feel like I am struggling.  Being reactive.  Annoyed.  Stressed.  When life doesn't go according to plan, I get frustrated.  The children are requiring a LOT more instruction lately and my patience is anything but long. 


As I type this, I see how God has been working over the past few weeks trying to get my attention as I plowed ahead with my own plans.  I'm talking earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, flash floods, stomach flu...  Okay maybe all of that wasn't just for me, but what if it was?  What if I am a Jonah sitting in the boat knowing the whole raging storm is because of my disobedience?


I have decided to start counting gifts again from #1.  My perspective on life and my relationship with God has drastically changed, but I can feel self slowly fighting its way back in.


So I will read. And count.  And read some more.  Because we all know I am still behind in my One Year Bible readings.


Tonight as I lied in bed alone for nearly two hours, I just got up and came downstairs to read.  After catching up on two days, something in me told me to jump to the reading for today's date, September 11th.  And wouldn't you know it but 2 Corinthians 12:1-10 was there in black and white.  Remember when I wrote about it here last Sunday?


I get it Lord.  "For when I am weak, then I am strong."


Then in the Psalm passage for today I read, "Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you.  He will not permit the godly to slip and fall," from chapter 55 verse 22.



I read this after I opened up my God Calling to read,


"Life it was of which I spoke when I said, "I am the Vine and ye are the branches."  The life flow of the Vine is in the branches.  Our lives are one--yours and Mine.  All that is in My Nature must therefore pass into yours, where the contact is so close a one.  I am Love and Joy and Peace and Strength and Power and Healing and Humility and Patience, and all else you see in Me your Lord.  Then these, too, you must have as My Life flows through you.  So courage.  You do not make yourselves loving and strong and patient and humble.  You live with Me, and then My Life accomplishes the miracle-change."


I know.  It doesn't make sense if I highlight and underline the whole text but come on.  How could I not?  Wow!  I read it twice the first time but each word really stood out to me as I typed it here.


How quickly I fall into demanding my own way, trying to control the minuscule parts of my day.  Surrender all.  Surrender ALL to the Shepherd.  Abide in Him.  And no matter what circumstance comes my way (may it be quaking, flooding, vomiting or you know like questioning instruction, defiance to authority, whining, destructive behavior, terrorizing of ones little sister...), His Life flows through me like a vine to the branches.  I should be shining love, joy, peace, strength, power, healing, humility, patience.  I am pretty sure my family has just seen, well, me lately.  By my own strength, I am a miserable weak failure every time.



Sigh.


I will get this.


Tonight as I was putting Bundle Boy to bed after bathing both kiddos, I yelled something like, "TOMORROW OUR VERSE IF GOING TO BE ABOUT SELF-CONTROL BECAUSE YOU ARE LACKING IT!"


No the irony was not lost on me.  The moment the period (or rather the exclamation point) was put on the end of the sentence I knew that the message was for me from God.  My patience is short, my voice is loud, and my attitude is grumbly (which is apparently not a word but is exactly how I have been acting).


Yes, I think it is time I say thank you thank you thank you again to My First Love and Creator.  For every breath in my lungs, bright moon above, explosive poopy diaper, and spilled milk across the kitchen floor.


Today I was busy rearranging the play room/dining room yet again as I was tearing down from a baby shower that did not happen here yesterday (but that is a story for another time).  This song by Nicole Nordeman came on over the computer from the Children's Music play list.  I must have heard it a dozen times before, but today I heard it for the first time.  It is my song tonight.  LORD, I am grateful that You are holding my life in Your hands.  You are so good.




Good night then.