I reached for a stack of tissues from the box on the kitchen counter to put in the clutch she made for me that matches my turquoise cardigan perfectly. I gripped her work of art tightly as if sending her hugs across the miles. Some Sundays you just know you will need a tissue.
I got the kids dropped off to their classes while I took my seat alone not in our usual place. My Love was out of town. The music was already playing. I took off my coat and laid it down in the open seat beside me. It was cold outside but unusually warm in this moment and I pushed open my clutch --this beautiful gift from my friend-- to pull out a tissue prematurely. Some Sundays you just know you are going to cry.
How could I not? The heart that stitched together the holder of my tissues (and lip gloss and wallet and keys) was now shattered in the hands of her Almighty Creator and Lord. I sang to Him. I worshiped Him. I cried before Him not asking why but begging Him to hold the torn pieces of her heart with gentle care. To stitch them back together in such a way that would make it even more beautiful in order to hold all the wonderful things He has planned for her.
Clutch her tight tonight Lord. Whisper to her how much she is loved by You. Fill her with your strength and peace and hope.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
devastated
I think my heart actually exploded tonight.
I sense some internal bleeding that will likely leave some permanent scar tissue.
It has been quite some time since I have spent a day praying like that. Since crying like that. The pain and sorrow being experienced tonight by two dear friends of mine seems unbearable. They are devastated beyond words. They are tired. So I pray and I cry some more because my heart is already broken for them. There is however comfort in knowing and believing that "those who sow in tears will reap in shouts of joy" but LORD please bring that day soon. All glory honor power is Yours forever Amen.
I sense some internal bleeding that will likely leave some permanent scar tissue.
It has been quite some time since I have spent a day praying like that. Since crying like that. The pain and sorrow being experienced tonight by two dear friends of mine seems unbearable. They are devastated beyond words. They are tired. So I pray and I cry some more because my heart is already broken for them. There is however comfort in knowing and believing that "those who sow in tears will reap in shouts of joy" but LORD please bring that day soon. All glory honor power is Yours forever Amen.
Saturday, November 3, 2012
miracle moment
What a day!
This day will go down as one of the best days of my life. And I have lived some pretty awesome days.
There were undoubtedly gifts along the way of what started as a normal Saturday. Like when I had to get up at 4:30am and change my daughter's wet sheets. That was nice. Most of the day was spent enjoying friends here for lunch. Such a sweet time. But the day took a drastic turn into the "one of the best days ever" category when God saw fit to answer YEARS of prayer in a miracle MOMENT.
Galatians 6:2 commands us to carry one another's burdens and really I can't think of many things in this life on earth that are more fulfilling and rewarding. We have had the privilege of praying for many people as God has walked them through trials and periods of waiting. By lifting their burdens to the Lord, we became part of the journey in trusting God right along with them. God saw fit to answer in his timing (we heard the news today), and we were blessed beyond measure to bear witness to his perfect miracle. We rejoice today with dear loved ones at a long waited answer to faithful prayer. "All glory honor power is Yours forever Amen."
This day will go down as one of the best days of my life. And I have lived some pretty awesome days.
There were undoubtedly gifts along the way of what started as a normal Saturday. Like when I had to get up at 4:30am and change my daughter's wet sheets. That was nice. Most of the day was spent enjoying friends here for lunch. Such a sweet time. But the day took a drastic turn into the "one of the best days ever" category when God saw fit to answer YEARS of prayer in a miracle MOMENT.
Galatians 6:2 commands us to carry one another's burdens and really I can't think of many things in this life on earth that are more fulfilling and rewarding. We have had the privilege of praying for many people as God has walked them through trials and periods of waiting. By lifting their burdens to the Lord, we became part of the journey in trusting God right along with them. God saw fit to answer in his timing (we heard the news today), and we were blessed beyond measure to bear witness to his perfect miracle. We rejoice today with dear loved ones at a long waited answer to faithful prayer. "All glory honor power is Yours forever Amen."
Thursday, November 1, 2012
wounds and kisses
It was some time this summer when a dear friend first shared these words with me from Proverbs 27:6.
NLT Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.
NKJV Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
NIV Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
HCSB The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.
I was surprised by it at first because she spoke these words of scripture to me over the phone after I apologized for something I had done in our relationship. Something that I felt fully justified in doing and saying in the moment because of how hurt I felt by her, but the next day in the light of Christ had realized my sin and wanted to desperately make it right with her. I couldn't sleep and felt sick over it as I had feared that how I reacted might have destroyed our friendship.
I finally got a call back after leaving a message on her voicemail that said something like, "I don't want another day to end before I get a chance to talk to you." Perhaps this boiling point in our friendship was bound to happen. Some relationships are just more volatile. But the truth is I don't think I had ever been met with so much grace in forgiveness within another relationship on earth. She could hear my heart as I repented and knew our connection in Christ was far deeper than some petty argument. She of course apologized too. Oh how thankful I have been for that day even though initially it caused me so much pain.
You see, ever since then God has repeatedly brought this passage from His Word to my eyes and ears. Today marked the 10th time in less than three months that someone else causally mentioned Proverbs 27:6. Most didn't know where it was found in the Bible and couldn't recall the exact wording but each understood the meaning. People will hurt you. Friends will hurt you. Family will hurt you. But it is far better to be wounded, hurt, disappointed by a fellow heir of our Heavenly Father than to lavish in the excessive deceitful kisses of an "enemy". Our very real Enemy would like nothing more than to divide Christian relationships. Disagreements brew among believers and we have this "how dare they do that to me" feeling in the back our throats so we spew back. But really we should expect that heart ache and division on earth. No one can ever meet all of your needs on earth. Not your spouse. Not your best friend. Not your child. Not your parent. They will fail. They will hurt you. But when our eyes are fully opened to how often we offend God and yet he still loves and forgives us, we can truly love and forgive others.
Proverbs uses the word 'wound' for a reason. There will be pain, but we don't have to let the hurt rule over us. We can let God heal the relationship in a way that kisses never can.
NLT Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.
NKJV Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
NIV Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
HCSB The wounds of a friend are trustworthy, but the kisses of an enemy are excessive.
I was surprised by it at first because she spoke these words of scripture to me over the phone after I apologized for something I had done in our relationship. Something that I felt fully justified in doing and saying in the moment because of how hurt I felt by her, but the next day in the light of Christ had realized my sin and wanted to desperately make it right with her. I couldn't sleep and felt sick over it as I had feared that how I reacted might have destroyed our friendship.
I finally got a call back after leaving a message on her voicemail that said something like, "I don't want another day to end before I get a chance to talk to you." Perhaps this boiling point in our friendship was bound to happen. Some relationships are just more volatile. But the truth is I don't think I had ever been met with so much grace in forgiveness within another relationship on earth. She could hear my heart as I repented and knew our connection in Christ was far deeper than some petty argument. She of course apologized too. Oh how thankful I have been for that day even though initially it caused me so much pain.
You see, ever since then God has repeatedly brought this passage from His Word to my eyes and ears. Today marked the 10th time in less than three months that someone else causally mentioned Proverbs 27:6. Most didn't know where it was found in the Bible and couldn't recall the exact wording but each understood the meaning. People will hurt you. Friends will hurt you. Family will hurt you. But it is far better to be wounded, hurt, disappointed by a fellow heir of our Heavenly Father than to lavish in the excessive deceitful kisses of an "enemy". Our very real Enemy would like nothing more than to divide Christian relationships. Disagreements brew among believers and we have this "how dare they do that to me" feeling in the back our throats so we spew back. But really we should expect that heart ache and division on earth. No one can ever meet all of your needs on earth. Not your spouse. Not your best friend. Not your child. Not your parent. They will fail. They will hurt you. But when our eyes are fully opened to how often we offend God and yet he still loves and forgives us, we can truly love and forgive others.
Proverbs uses the word 'wound' for a reason. There will be pain, but we don't have to let the hurt rule over us. We can let God heal the relationship in a way that kisses never can.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
expectations
"It is a foolish woman who expects [another person] to be to her that which only Jesus Christ Himself can be; always ready to forgive, totally understanding, unendingly patient, invariably tender and loving, unfailing in every area, anticipating every need, and making more than adequate provision. Such expectations put a [person] under an impossible strain."
-Ruth Bell Graham
-Ruth Bell Graham
Friday, October 26, 2012
treatment for seizures
Babydoll's pediatric neurologist called us back today. In the nick of time really because as of tomorrow, My Love is officially off of active duty and therefore unable to use the services at Walter Reed any longer. Thankfully Dr. M told us we could continue to call him for medical advice on her case (apparently that is our right) even though he could no longer treat her. He is such a great doctor. I am so thankful that she was seen and was able to get some of the big stuff taken care of (ie. EEG and MRI) with military coverage. The neurologist gave us a 90 day low dose prescription to treat the mild seizure disorder that he has diagnosed her with. We of course asked what the risks might be if we didn't treat them at all considering she is mostly in our care and she could potentially grow out of them. We have decided to treat her with medication after we consult with a local pediatrician as things get ironed out with My Love's new employment benefits. If after a year on the treatment, she has had no seizures it is very likely she will grow out of them. That is of course our prayer. Thank you for following this journey with our Babydoll. We are thankful daily for her good health and sweet spirit.
Monday, October 22, 2012
6 in 8
Yesterday we were sitting next to our old-new friends in church when 204 flashed across the screen. We had just finished praying for a woman who was being sent to Israel with missions and were now continuing to sing in worship. I leaned toward My Love and said, "That's her number," before climbing on the seats to get past the visiting couple from our California days who were now house hunting in our area. I ran to the toddler nursery thinking our Babydoll had had another seizure but was greeted instead with vomit on the floor before entering into her Sunday School class. "Where is she?" I asked. "In the bathroom," someone answered amidst the chaos. The missionary who was just on stage in the sanctuary was now in the hallway cleaning up my daughter's barf.
Babydoll's sweet teacher (who was covered in toddler puke) was in the bathroom across the hall holding my daughter's hair back as she silently spit out her oatmeal breakfast into the toilet bowl. Poor girl didn't even cry. I returned to the service to tell My Love it was time to take her home. I didn't even know what we should do about the lunch guests who were planning to follow us home. I had set the alarm for 4am to get the crock pot minestrone going.
Our pastor's wife M followed My Love and me out of the room. She assumed Babydoll had had another seizure. I was so touched by her awareness and care as we hustled Babydoll out of the building. The color was draining from Babydoll's face. My Love went to retrieve Brother and M got some plastic bags. One for Babydoll's clothes and one to catch vomit during the car ride home. Thankfully it wasn't needed.
Babydoll went straight to bed and fell asleep quickly once home. That is when we knew she was really sick. She usually tries to fight resting even if she doesn't feel well. This illness was for real.
Our old-new friends came to lunch anyway (we were so glad they chose to) and I even had time since we got home early to wash the sink full of dishes that I had left without guilt before leaving for church. Lunch went great and we loved reconnecting with some faces from our past who God had replanted right where we are in this world. Funny how He continues to give us a second chance with would-be friends. We have so much in common.
Babydoll woke from her after church nap just before our guests were getting ready to leave. She seemed like her spunky self. About an hour later we found Babydoll on her bathroom floor having slipped in her own diarrhea while vomitting on her teal circular bath mat. Poor girl.
A couple of hours after that when I left Babydoll in good hands with her Daddy to help a friend in a time of need, it happened. Babydoll had seizure #6 in 8 months. No fever present. This one looked different though. My Love was nearby but distracted and only noticed what was happening after any possible convulsions. She was lying on the couch in a weird position with eyes staring off and rolling with drool coming from her mouth. I guess I made the bold "illness without seizure" praise too soon on Facebook. But we choose to be thankful God even when none of this seems to make sense.
We put a call into her neurologist this morning. We hope to hear back in a few days. Since My Love's military medical benefits end on Friday, I am hopeful the Dr. checks his messages before the end of the week. Not exactly needing her to be seen by him just hoping he can give us some medical advice about what (if anything) we should do next in Babydoll's care. Seizures have been present with illness and without. Seizures have been present with fever and without. Keep praying for our little girl.
Thankfully the stomach bug has passed and no one else is showing signs of symptons yet. But as my friend J pointed out to me over a year ago, we can even be thankful for vomit. God is always good.
Babydoll's sweet teacher (who was covered in toddler puke) was in the bathroom across the hall holding my daughter's hair back as she silently spit out her oatmeal breakfast into the toilet bowl. Poor girl didn't even cry. I returned to the service to tell My Love it was time to take her home. I didn't even know what we should do about the lunch guests who were planning to follow us home. I had set the alarm for 4am to get the crock pot minestrone going.
Our pastor's wife M followed My Love and me out of the room. She assumed Babydoll had had another seizure. I was so touched by her awareness and care as we hustled Babydoll out of the building. The color was draining from Babydoll's face. My Love went to retrieve Brother and M got some plastic bags. One for Babydoll's clothes and one to catch vomit during the car ride home. Thankfully it wasn't needed.
Babydoll went straight to bed and fell asleep quickly once home. That is when we knew she was really sick. She usually tries to fight resting even if she doesn't feel well. This illness was for real.
Our old-new friends came to lunch anyway (we were so glad they chose to) and I even had time since we got home early to wash the sink full of dishes that I had left without guilt before leaving for church. Lunch went great and we loved reconnecting with some faces from our past who God had replanted right where we are in this world. Funny how He continues to give us a second chance with would-be friends. We have so much in common.
Babydoll woke from her after church nap just before our guests were getting ready to leave. She seemed like her spunky self. About an hour later we found Babydoll on her bathroom floor having slipped in her own diarrhea while vomitting on her teal circular bath mat. Poor girl.
A couple of hours after that when I left Babydoll in good hands with her Daddy to help a friend in a time of need, it happened. Babydoll had seizure #6 in 8 months. No fever present. This one looked different though. My Love was nearby but distracted and only noticed what was happening after any possible convulsions. She was lying on the couch in a weird position with eyes staring off and rolling with drool coming from her mouth. I guess I made the bold "illness without seizure" praise too soon on Facebook. But we choose to be thankful God even when none of this seems to make sense.
We put a call into her neurologist this morning. We hope to hear back in a few days. Since My Love's military medical benefits end on Friday, I am hopeful the Dr. checks his messages before the end of the week. Not exactly needing her to be seen by him just hoping he can give us some medical advice about what (if anything) we should do next in Babydoll's care. Seizures have been present with illness and without. Seizures have been present with fever and without. Keep praying for our little girl.
Thankfully the stomach bug has passed and no one else is showing signs of symptons yet. But as my friend J pointed out to me over a year ago, we can even be thankful for vomit. God is always good.
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