I have been thinking about this blog post for a couple days now.
How am I loving?
Friday, June 29, 2012
broken
I am overwhelmed. God has been busy showing me the many ways I have been disobedient--in fact sinning--and I feel broken. I am so thankful that there is hope is Christ today. He conquered sin and death on the cross and it does not have power of me. Yet another reason to feel overwhelmed. Does that mean I am choosing to sin when I KNOW what God has done for me?! I woke this morning after a restless night and puffy eyes to read this...
"You can never go beyond My Love and Care. Remember that. No evil can befall you. Circumstances I bless and use must be the right ones for you. But I know always that the first step is to lay your will before Me as an offering, ready that I shall do what is best, sure that, if you trust Me, what I do for you will be best. Your second step is to be sure, and to tell me so, that I am Powerful enough to do everything ("The hearts of kings are in My rule and governance"), that no miracle is impossible with me ("With God all things are possible" and "I and My Father are one"). Then leave all with Me. Glad to leave all your affairs in a Master Hand. Sure of safety and protection. Remember you cannot see the future. I can. You could not bear it. So only little by little can I reveal it to you. Accept My Will and it will bring you joy." -God Calling
Do a complete work in my heart, Lord. I choose you!
"You can never go beyond My Love and Care. Remember that. No evil can befall you. Circumstances I bless and use must be the right ones for you. But I know always that the first step is to lay your will before Me as an offering, ready that I shall do what is best, sure that, if you trust Me, what I do for you will be best. Your second step is to be sure, and to tell me so, that I am Powerful enough to do everything ("The hearts of kings are in My rule and governance"), that no miracle is impossible with me ("With God all things are possible" and "I and My Father are one"). Then leave all with Me. Glad to leave all your affairs in a Master Hand. Sure of safety and protection. Remember you cannot see the future. I can. You could not bear it. So only little by little can I reveal it to you. Accept My Will and it will bring you joy." -God Calling
Do a complete work in my heart, Lord. I choose you!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
stains on my heart and area rug
My Love is not home again tonight. Work travel. I put together an easy meal of shell pasta with red sauce and spinach salad. Our neighbors returned from their vacation to the beach with souvenir shirts for our kids. So sweet. Brother and Sister were sporting them proudly today. Anticipating spaghetti stains, I told them to wait so I could take off their shirts before they ate. We do things casual around here. I stepped over to help Babydoll when Bundle Boy started to take off his shirt and accidentally flung his plate off the table splattering his shorts, chair cushion, area rug below the table and nearby wall with spaghetti sauce. He was so so sorry. I immediately started praying out loud for patience and self-control and grace toward my son whom He loves.
It has been a few days of exhausting parenting around here. Even consistent consequences haven't seemed to get to the heart issues. I was hungry and tired and knew that everything within me was not ready for this situation. He kept apologizing as I took off the rest of his clothes and of course told him it was ok (with a twinge of "I wish you would have waited for me to help you...but I know it was an accident" attitude). I told him to go to the play room until I could clean up the mess. He went willingly. Babydoll got to town on her meal even though she doesn't seem to consistently like pasta. As I started wetting and spraying and scrubbing the stains, I heard a still small voice whisper in my heart, "Is it more important to clean this area rug or feed your son?" I stood up to fill a new plate of food being sure to pray out loud my thanks to God that we even have enough food for seconds. My heart aches for the children who won't eat tonight. I called in my boy and sat him at the other end of the table. I got the cream colored seat cushion in the wash while they were eating and using resolve to treat the stain since we were out of laundry spray. Mental note: add that to the list. I grumbled as I saw that I had to make room in the washer by transferring a load to the dryer but then saying out loud more thanks when I saw Babydoll's bedding (she had taken off her diaper during nap and wet the bed in her sleep) and pillow needed to be ready for bed that night. Better to see it then rather than while trying to put them to bed. I came downstairs to two giggling kids messing around at the table not taking any words of mine serious enough to obey and doing everything but eating. Dinner was cut short with food still on their plates. I sent Babydoll to the bathroom and saw her shorts were wet. She accidentally peed in her booster seat at the dinner table because... Really?!?! I herded my two precious gifts from God and said their goodnights at exactly 6:40pm after leaving them with a stack of books on each bed. They did anything but sleep. Two hours later and the sun still isn't down but I think they finally got tired of talking through their open doors to one another and drifted off to sleep. I sat down to feed myself and my flesh and read this post from desiringgod.org and God decided to feed my spirit.
Sigh.
Why do I ever take a moment to put higher value in something that is not eternal? Why do I let tired and hungry feelings dictate my words and actions?
For the fruit of the Spirit [within me] is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Anything done by my own strength does not automatically spill out these traits. Death to self makes Him alive and visible in life. More surrendering and repentance to be done.
It has been a few days of exhausting parenting around here. Even consistent consequences haven't seemed to get to the heart issues. I was hungry and tired and knew that everything within me was not ready for this situation. He kept apologizing as I took off the rest of his clothes and of course told him it was ok (with a twinge of "I wish you would have waited for me to help you...but I know it was an accident" attitude). I told him to go to the play room until I could clean up the mess. He went willingly. Babydoll got to town on her meal even though she doesn't seem to consistently like pasta. As I started wetting and spraying and scrubbing the stains, I heard a still small voice whisper in my heart, "Is it more important to clean this area rug or feed your son?" I stood up to fill a new plate of food being sure to pray out loud my thanks to God that we even have enough food for seconds. My heart aches for the children who won't eat tonight. I called in my boy and sat him at the other end of the table. I got the cream colored seat cushion in the wash while they were eating and using resolve to treat the stain since we were out of laundry spray. Mental note: add that to the list. I grumbled as I saw that I had to make room in the washer by transferring a load to the dryer but then saying out loud more thanks when I saw Babydoll's bedding (she had taken off her diaper during nap and wet the bed in her sleep) and pillow needed to be ready for bed that night. Better to see it then rather than while trying to put them to bed. I came downstairs to two giggling kids messing around at the table not taking any words of mine serious enough to obey and doing everything but eating. Dinner was cut short with food still on their plates. I sent Babydoll to the bathroom and saw her shorts were wet. She accidentally peed in her booster seat at the dinner table because... Really?!?! I herded my two precious gifts from God and said their goodnights at exactly 6:40pm after leaving them with a stack of books on each bed. They did anything but sleep. Two hours later and the sun still isn't down but I think they finally got tired of talking through their open doors to one another and drifted off to sleep. I sat down to feed myself and my flesh and read this post from desiringgod.org and God decided to feed my spirit.
Sigh.
Why do I ever take a moment to put higher value in something that is not eternal? Why do I let tired and hungry feelings dictate my words and actions?
For the fruit of the Spirit [within me] is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Anything done by my own strength does not automatically spill out these traits. Death to self makes Him alive and visible in life. More surrendering and repentance to be done.
Monday, June 25, 2012
what am i waiting for?
"Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite. Or
waiting around for Friday night or waiting perhaps for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil or a better break or a string of pearls or a pair of
pants or a wig with curls or another chance. Everyone is just waiting." -Dr. Seuss
What am I waiting for? This is the moment God has called me to live today. Why do I think serving him in any other capacity than what this moment holds is more worth while? I choose not to wait. I choose to live for him today. To be present with the Holy Spirit in the now and be used however best brings him glory. Whatever I am waiting for may never come and then what? What kind of life would this be? One that stood in line waiting for my life to start? I choose to live for Christ. I choose to wait on him daily. Not for some super spiritual calling but for whatever he has planned for me on this day.
"As I prompt you--act. When you have no clear guidance, then go forward quietly along the path of duty I have set before you. No fear, no panic, quietly doing your daily duty. This attitude of faith will receive its reward, as surely as the acting upon My direct Guidance. Rejoice in the sense of security that is yours." -God Calling
What am I waiting for? This is the moment God has called me to live today. Why do I think serving him in any other capacity than what this moment holds is more worth while? I choose not to wait. I choose to live for him today. To be present with the Holy Spirit in the now and be used however best brings him glory. Whatever I am waiting for may never come and then what? What kind of life would this be? One that stood in line waiting for my life to start? I choose to live for Christ. I choose to wait on him daily. Not for some super spiritual calling but for whatever he has planned for me on this day.
"As I prompt you--act. When you have no clear guidance, then go forward quietly along the path of duty I have set before you. No fear, no panic, quietly doing your daily duty. This attitude of faith will receive its reward, as surely as the acting upon My direct Guidance. Rejoice in the sense of security that is yours." -God Calling
bum, bum, underwear
I have been thinking upon the Holy Spirit lately. Trying to wrap my mind around his omnipresence and omniscience. I have heard a particular passage of scripture three times recently. It wasn't until Sunday morning when it was referenced in our pastor's sermon that I took notice and thought maybe there is something in there that applies to me.
Psalm 121:3-4 ESV
3 He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
There is something so reassuring about realizing that God the Spirit is always with you. You are never alone. He NEVER sleeps. He is with you wherever you are. Not just on Sunday mornings. Not just during a storm or trial or crisis. Not just in the miracle of birth or adoption or healing. He is with you every moment of every day and longs to be in dialogue with you. If only we thought about his presence more. Not only would it alter our behavior and words ("how would you act if Jesus were sitting there in the dark with you?") but it would radically alter our relationship with him.
The other day Bundle Boy asked me an interesting question.
Him: Mom, is "bum, bum, underwear" pleasing to God?
Me: (puzzled look on my face)
Him: It is the song [my friend] made up and sang the other day. Do you think it pleases God if I sing it too?
Me: What do you think?
Him: (shrugging his shoulders) I dunno.
That is when it hit me. (insert "duh" moment from everyone else wondering why it took me so long) My son looks to me to tell him how to live his life in a way that pleases God. He sees me as the interpreter of all things that bring God glory. Somehow he lost (or never developed) the concept that he could seek God directly if he ever wanted to know anything. Apparently I was the judge of all things holy in his mind.
It got me thinking. The only way that our children are going to learn at a young age to seek God's face is if we are doing it all the time. If I am in dialogue with the Father in the little things. Do I live in a way that acknowledges that God is always with me? Am I telling my son "You can talk to God anytime" and then just praying with him at set times of day (ie. before meals, at bedtime, when there is a physical need)? I want my kids to understand that God is omnipresent. That He is just waiting to hear us talk to him at any moment. Oh how I have neglected the Spirit in my life! I have decided to change that and become a Babbling Prayer Mama. What's that? There isn't such a thing? Well I have created one. I am going to try talking to God out loud more often. I want my kids to hear me singing praise and speaking thanks. I want them to know that I seek God for strength and focus and discipline. That I need help from the Holy Spirit on a minute by minute basis to be self-controlled and live in a way that pleases God and brings him glory. Heck, I have no idea if "bum, bum, underwear" makes God smile. But if Brother learns to ask him before saying and doing anything in this life, the Holy Spirit will give him a clearer answer. God is the one our children should be living for anyway.
I couldn't help but notice the two verses that came before the ones I shared above.
Psalm 121:1-2
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
From where does my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
Isn't God amazing?!?!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
the fifth reynolds
Our dear friends are at it again. Monica is en route as we speak to bring home her daughter S from Ethiopia. Please pray that everything goes well with courts and paperwork and details so they can come home together as planned on Saturday the 23rd. We live further away from the airport now than we did when she brought her two home early last year, but we hope to make the trip to join the welcome committee again. There is something so powerful about seeing her sweet face on day one and then seeing how far God brings her in the future through the power of prayer. If you think about it, please pray for Fred and their four other children back at home while Monica travels. The newest (11 year old) addition will be an adjustment for everyone. Praise God for placing his heart for adoption into the Reynolds family. They aren't perfect but God is using them in a mighty way because they have made their very lives available to be used by Him and for His glory. We are beyond blessed to know them well and be involved in this chapter of their lives. Yay! I can't wait to meet her!!! You can follow their honest journey of growing their family through adoption here (with names changed for privacy).
this is the life (to share)
You know your children have not a care in the world when... it is 90 degrees outside and they have the option to get in the car and drive the 1.5 miles to the community pool where they spend the next 1.5 hours splashing around and chatting with new friends before returning to their air conditioned home to have a complete evening meal that fills their tummies and then each go off to their individual beds --and in fact rooms-- to sleep peacefully for the next 11 hours straight.
You think I would mark this up as a good day. But instead I think about the faces missing. About how living this life just for us doesn't seem like enough. I am so ready to share it. We are richly blessed.
You think I would mark this up as a good day. But instead I think about the faces missing. About how living this life just for us doesn't seem like enough. I am so ready to share it. We are richly blessed.
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