Today is the beginning of the first step in our journey into foster parenting. It is hard to believe that the very idea only came into our minds a few months ago. Since then there has been much prayer and discussion about what will start today. Our training classes will be every Tuesday night for the next eight weeks. My friend will be coming to watch the kids while we take the classes and we are so grateful that God brought her back into our lives during this time. Good things, people. He is going to do all kinds of good things.
The application is completed. There will be an upcoming home study. After our family vacation to see relatives this spring, we will be coming home to a new chapter for our lives. I expect we will not receive our first placement call until May (when we return). Until then, we will remain in prayer and hope to learn a lot about the process through these training classes.
Pray for us.
I can't help but think about an experience I had with Bundle Boy this week. After getting a new bike for his birthday, he learned how to ride the bad boy with training wheels around the block while we walked the dog. He fell off of it at some point and is now terrified to ride it.
His fear has been debilitating. I will admit my patience has been limited and my understanding of his anxiety has been lacking. But I am stubborn. This weekend I made him get back on his bike (with a helmet, training wheels, my hand holding on, and his full knowledge of how to pedal and brake) and he was stuck in a panic between each revolution of the pedals. It has been frustrating. No amount of encouraging words or reminding of his days riding like the wind faster than I could run would break his fear. We prayed on the completely level sidewalk asking God to take his fear and give him courage to trust him with what seemed scary. He was still crippled. It took him about 30 minutes to "ride" his bike to the corner and back. It wasn't exactly enjoyable for either of us. But he did it.
From the outside, my encouraging words turned to frustration. I have never seen him like this. I was helpless to take his anxious thoughts and replace them with any semblance of confidence.
Then I noticed something. As he was holding on with a death grip hunched over the bike, I realized his head was facing down. He was focusing on the pedals and ground below him. He was putting his faith in his ability to ride the bike and keep himself from falling off. I told him to raise his head. To look up at the road before him so he could see where he was going. Suddenly he was pedaling "faster". We were actually going somewhere now.
We got back to our driveway and he asked if he could get off now. We had made some progress but he was definitely done for the day. He spoke with all pride about how he had ridden his bike when from my perspective he was no where near riding it the way he once had. It was baby steps forward none the less.
So we ride on raising our heads keeping our eyes on what God is doing on the path before us. We are choosing not to put all our focus and faith in our own capabilities because frankly history tells us we will crash. We have to trust.
We pray for the little ones that will come stay with us for a time. I hope we remember that if their fears become debilitating we won't put too much faith in our ability to give encouraging words or reminders of all the things keeping them safe.
No.
It seems all we will need to do is tell them to lift their eyes up. To trust the One who casts out all fear so that he may give them the strength to ride like the wind all on their own.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
praying for
I don't exactly know what to say. There isn't much to share. Life is happening. Since Babydoll's seizure scare, reality has settled in. It took a few days for everyone to catch up on sleep and for the girls to kick the cold symptoms. Then there was housework and laundry and parenting and a marriage to focus on.
After reading through two of the books on my end table about foster care (one informative and one memoir), my mind has been redirected to normal life stuff. In some ways, God has been good to let us focus on the chapter ahead during times the past few months in order to spur conversation and prepare our lives for the changes. And then other times (like now), he has protected us from being consumed with too much on our mental plates. I have been putting together a more structured home preschool schedule for Brother lately. With the busyness that will come around here this spring, now seemed as good a time as any to set down a predictable routine for my human firstborn. He is thriving once again and frankly so am I.
On the other hand, I was having lunch with a friend yesterday. She will be watching the kids during our foster parenting classes over the next eight weeks. It seemed appropriate to talk about logistics for her Tuesday nights with Babydoll and Bundle since our first class is in SIX days.
Suddenly it feels weird to focus on normal life stuff. How did the 21st of February already sneak up on us like that?
What we are praying for?
*the kids will do well at home on the evenings we are away
*that my friend will be blessed (and not overwhelmed) during her time with our kids
*that our classes will be informative and helpful
*for the other couples in attendance
*for the relationships of support we will make with those other couples over the next few months
*that we will become prepared and equipped to whatever God wills
*that My Love and I will be on the same page every step of the way
Not to mention...
*for the children who will come stay with us-- I often pray that God would protect their minds/bodies and reassure them in moments of peace that he is preparing a safe/loving place for them!
*that Babydoll and Bundle Boy will be prepared for any sudden additions
*that My Love and I would be open to adoption in His timing
*for our trip to visit family RIGHT AFTER our classes end
*God's timing for our first placement call
*continued growth/strengthening in our marriage relationship
*that we wouldn't put God in a box and be open to whatever he has planned for how to use us
*ABIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And who can forget...
*the building of new friendships in our neighborhood
*the investing in the the old friendships that our out of daily sight
*getting involved in our new church body
*maintaining our home for God's glory and making it available to be used by him at a moment's notice
*speaking the name of Jesus in every conversation and in keeping it the focus of every thought that crosses our minds
*dying to self in our marriage as we learn to do it God's way
After reading through two of the books on my end table about foster care (one informative and one memoir), my mind has been redirected to normal life stuff. In some ways, God has been good to let us focus on the chapter ahead during times the past few months in order to spur conversation and prepare our lives for the changes. And then other times (like now), he has protected us from being consumed with too much on our mental plates. I have been putting together a more structured home preschool schedule for Brother lately. With the busyness that will come around here this spring, now seemed as good a time as any to set down a predictable routine for my human firstborn. He is thriving once again and frankly so am I.
On the other hand, I was having lunch with a friend yesterday. She will be watching the kids during our foster parenting classes over the next eight weeks. It seemed appropriate to talk about logistics for her Tuesday nights with Babydoll and Bundle since our first class is in SIX days.
Suddenly it feels weird to focus on normal life stuff. How did the 21st of February already sneak up on us like that?
What we are praying for?
*the kids will do well at home on the evenings we are away
*that my friend will be blessed (and not overwhelmed) during her time with our kids
*that our classes will be informative and helpful
*for the other couples in attendance
*for the relationships of support we will make with those other couples over the next few months
*that we will become prepared and equipped to whatever God wills
*that My Love and I will be on the same page every step of the way
Not to mention...
*for the children who will come stay with us-- I often pray that God would protect their minds/bodies and reassure them in moments of peace that he is preparing a safe/loving place for them!
*that Babydoll and Bundle Boy will be prepared for any sudden additions
*that My Love and I would be open to adoption in His timing
*for our trip to visit family RIGHT AFTER our classes end
*God's timing for our first placement call
*continued growth/strengthening in our marriage relationship
*that we wouldn't put God in a box and be open to whatever he has planned for how to use us
*ABIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And who can forget...
*the building of new friendships in our neighborhood
*the investing in the the old friendships that our out of daily sight
*getting involved in our new church body
*maintaining our home for God's glory and making it available to be used by him at a moment's notice
*speaking the name of Jesus in every conversation and in keeping it the focus of every thought that crosses our minds
*dying to self in our marriage as we learn to do it God's way
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
safe in his arms
I was thinking about this post when I heard a song playing through Pandora yesterday. Safe by Phil Wickham. The chorus really spoke to me.
You're not alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
But not because I don't feel safe. It seemed like the very words I would likely sing to a foster child before they transition out of our home. So much about our future is out of our control. So much of our present is out of our control. It is time I start singing this song to remind me of the promises He made. We will be safe in His arms. We are not alone.
After the Super Bowl on Sunday night, I put Babydoll down with a fever and growing cough. I gave her Motrin around 9pm and was woken up after midnight by a yelping sound. I stood outside the Bundles' bedroom doors and then entered her room when I realized the sound came from there. I came in to find my 22 month old Baby Girl shaking in her bed, fists tight having a seizure. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.
It finally stopped after about a minute but she was completely out of it with eyes closed for several minutes later. My Love and I felt utterly helpless. We didn't know what to do. We called our ER which is 30 miles away and they advised us to take her to the closest one to our home. My Love took her and I stayed home with Brother so we didn't have to scare him. I kissed my baby goodbye wondering with a tiny bit of reality that I might not see her again. It was terrible. We had no idea what was going on.
After they left, I prayed. Speaking out loud through tears to the Lord acknowledging that Babydoll was in fact His and that I would choose to trust Him with whatever happens to her. Peace washed over me.
I called my Mom because I still have the luxury of doing that. She lives three hours behind us time-zone wise so it wasn't too late there. I cried. She prayed. Then I text J in Florida. Then a couple texts rolled in from sisters that I assumed my Mom had contacted. One was vacationing with her family in Hawaii. We were all praying.
I was up until 3:30am before I finally fell asleep. My Love was texting and calling when he could and I was relaying updates to waiting loved ones when I knew they were still awake too.
After a battery of tests, My Love finally came home with Babydoll in his arms at 6am. We were all exhausted. I had slept 2 1/2 hrs and they had slept none. Brother came bounding in the room at 6:45am to start his well rested day completely unaware of the drama the night before.
I have been thinking a lot about everything since then. Sissy is doing better now. Still snotty and coughing but the fever is gone. Apparently a sudden spike in temperature is not uncommon to trigger a seizure. It was scary though. But I guess now we know in case it happens again. Anyway my thoughts have been on going.
Do I really trust God with my children? Will I fully trust Him with the children he temporarily puts in my care? Do I truly believe that they are "safe in His arms"?
There is nothing like knowing you are completely helpless to make you realize it is actually a sweet place to be. You have to trust. There is nothing you can do. Why do I waste my time doing anything on my own? Why do I think I am enough for anyone? In in the most ideal circumstances, I can not promise complete safety in my arms. God can!
So I pray over my children today and the many that I will hold in my arms in the future. May they know that they are not alone. That even when everything is falling apart, they are safe in His arms. He will be with them always.
personal note: praying for you AD4!!
You're not alone
You will be safe in His arms
You will be safe in His arms
'Cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart
This is the promise He made
He will be with You always
When everything is falling apart
You will be safe in His arms
But not because I don't feel safe. It seemed like the very words I would likely sing to a foster child before they transition out of our home. So much about our future is out of our control. So much of our present is out of our control. It is time I start singing this song to remind me of the promises He made. We will be safe in His arms. We are not alone.
After the Super Bowl on Sunday night, I put Babydoll down with a fever and growing cough. I gave her Motrin around 9pm and was woken up after midnight by a yelping sound. I stood outside the Bundles' bedroom doors and then entered her room when I realized the sound came from there. I came in to find my 22 month old Baby Girl shaking in her bed, fists tight having a seizure. It was one of the scariest moments of my life.
It finally stopped after about a minute but she was completely out of it with eyes closed for several minutes later. My Love and I felt utterly helpless. We didn't know what to do. We called our ER which is 30 miles away and they advised us to take her to the closest one to our home. My Love took her and I stayed home with Brother so we didn't have to scare him. I kissed my baby goodbye wondering with a tiny bit of reality that I might not see her again. It was terrible. We had no idea what was going on.
After they left, I prayed. Speaking out loud through tears to the Lord acknowledging that Babydoll was in fact His and that I would choose to trust Him with whatever happens to her. Peace washed over me.
I called my Mom because I still have the luxury of doing that. She lives three hours behind us time-zone wise so it wasn't too late there. I cried. She prayed. Then I text J in Florida. Then a couple texts rolled in from sisters that I assumed my Mom had contacted. One was vacationing with her family in Hawaii. We were all praying.
I was up until 3:30am before I finally fell asleep. My Love was texting and calling when he could and I was relaying updates to waiting loved ones when I knew they were still awake too.
After a battery of tests, My Love finally came home with Babydoll in his arms at 6am. We were all exhausted. I had slept 2 1/2 hrs and they had slept none. Brother came bounding in the room at 6:45am to start his well rested day completely unaware of the drama the night before.
I have been thinking a lot about everything since then. Sissy is doing better now. Still snotty and coughing but the fever is gone. Apparently a sudden spike in temperature is not uncommon to trigger a seizure. It was scary though. But I guess now we know in case it happens again. Anyway my thoughts have been on going.
Do I really trust God with my children? Will I fully trust Him with the children he temporarily puts in my care? Do I truly believe that they are "safe in His arms"?
There is nothing like knowing you are completely helpless to make you realize it is actually a sweet place to be. You have to trust. There is nothing you can do. Why do I waste my time doing anything on my own? Why do I think I am enough for anyone? In in the most ideal circumstances, I can not promise complete safety in my arms. God can!
So I pray over my children today and the many that I will hold in my arms in the future. May they know that they are not alone. That even when everything is falling apart, they are safe in His arms. He will be with them always.
personal note: praying for you AD4!!
Monday, February 6, 2012
upon
1.up and on; upward so as to get or be on
2.in an elevated position on
3.in or into complete or approximate contact with
Tonight I am waiting UPON the LORD. And it is a very sweet place to be.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
preparing for joy
Have you prepared for JOY?
That was the question posed to me in a text a couple of weeks ago from my dear, far-away friend JH.
I had to pause and think about it. I guess I just knew there would eventually be positives in the process of becoming a foster parent but it seemed easier to prepare myself for the unknown pain and heartache. Am I equally preparing for the JOY? Perhaps JOY like I have never known in Him?!
Later that same friend continued her thoughts in an email.
"Jesus endured the cross for the JOY set before him. Is preparing for JOY the same as always being ready for His return and our ultimate, true JOY in total sanctification and the forever presence of God? Of course eucharisteo :) pops into my head too - grace, thanksgiving, JOY. A good reminder to me to give thanks in all things."
I am learning to abide in Christ while wearing the full armor of God so I may prepare for JOY. My head is spinning, people.
So I reached for my Bible concordance tonight to soak up what God has to say about His JOY.
"...for the JOY of the LORD is your strength." -Neh. 8:10
"Weeping may tarry for the night, but JOY comes with the morning." -Psalm 30:5b
"For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for JOY." -Psalm 92:4
"For you shall go out in JOY and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." -Isaiah 55:12
"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take JOY in the God of my salvation." -Hab. 3:17-18
"So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great JOY, and ran to tell the disciples." -Matt. 28:8
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my JOY may be in you, and that your JOY may be full." -John 15:9-11
"Truly, truly, I say to you, "you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into JOY. When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for JOY that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will be able to take your JOY from you." -John 16:20-22
"May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." -Romans 15:13 (personal note: JP, God repeated this one to me in your note to me this week. Thank you for being obedient to Him by sharing it with me. <3)
"Count it all JOY, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." -James 1:2-4
"And we are writing these things so that our JOY may be complete." -1 John 1:4
OK so maybe that last one was a little out of context but I do believe all that I share here will be evidence of the JOY that comes from this journey. Keep praying for us. God is doing amazing things.
That was the question posed to me in a text a couple of weeks ago from my dear, far-away friend JH.
I had to pause and think about it. I guess I just knew there would eventually be positives in the process of becoming a foster parent but it seemed easier to prepare myself for the unknown pain and heartache. Am I equally preparing for the JOY? Perhaps JOY like I have never known in Him?!
Later that same friend continued her thoughts in an email.
"Jesus endured the cross for the JOY set before him. Is preparing for JOY the same as always being ready for His return and our ultimate, true JOY in total sanctification and the forever presence of God? Of course eucharisteo :) pops into my head too - grace, thanksgiving, JOY. A good reminder to me to give thanks in all things."
I am learning to abide in Christ while wearing the full armor of God so I may prepare for JOY. My head is spinning, people.
So I reached for my Bible concordance tonight to soak up what God has to say about His JOY.
"...for the JOY of the LORD is your strength." -Neh. 8:10
"Weeping may tarry for the night, but JOY comes with the morning." -Psalm 30:5b
"For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for JOY." -Psalm 92:4
"For you shall go out in JOY and be led forth in peace; the mountains and the hills before you shall break forth into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." -Isaiah 55:12
"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take JOY in the God of my salvation." -Hab. 3:17-18
"So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great JOY, and ran to tell the disciples." -Matt. 28:8
"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my JOY may be in you, and that your JOY may be full." -John 15:9-11
"Truly, truly, I say to you, "you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice. You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into JOY. When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for JOY that a human being has been born into the world. So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will be able to take your JOY from you." -John 16:20-22
"May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." -Romans 15:13 (personal note: JP, God repeated this one to me in your note to me this week. Thank you for being obedient to Him by sharing it with me. <3)
"Count it all JOY, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." -James 1:2-4
"And we are writing these things so that our JOY may be complete." -1 John 1:4
OK so maybe that last one was a little out of context but I do believe all that I share here will be evidence of the JOY that comes from this journey. Keep praying for us. God is doing amazing things.
Friday, February 3, 2012
grace in potty training
Recently I have felt like my mind is turning radical. I tend to see the most trivial situations as having spiritual value. I don't know if that is biblical or not but I do believe God is Sovereign. Every detail of our lives has been planned for his purpose. Just because I haven't thought about it until now doesn't mean some mundane things haven't had heavenly significance all along.
Take Babydoll's recent milestone for example. What if God chose for our second child to potty train before turning two not because she is extraordinarily intelligent (because lets face it most children learn how to do it eventually and the when is really NOT important, people) but because He knew that would be one less thing I would have to manage after taking in our first foster child?
Oh how He loves me. He thinks of things I don't. He plans for everything.
Today I feel loved by God because before the foundations of the world he wove a 21 month old potty trained child into the fabric of my family. He knows what is around the bend and perhaps trying to potty train a toddler in the midst of all of that would have been too much for us.
He is cool like that.
note: God's grace is overwhelming even in potty training (and she is also extraordinarily intelligent!) ;)
Take Babydoll's recent milestone for example. What if God chose for our second child to potty train before turning two not because she is extraordinarily intelligent (because lets face it most children learn how to do it eventually and the when is really NOT important, people) but because He knew that would be one less thing I would have to manage after taking in our first foster child?
Oh how He loves me. He thinks of things I don't. He plans for everything.
Today I feel loved by God because before the foundations of the world he wove a 21 month old potty trained child into the fabric of my family. He knows what is around the bend and perhaps trying to potty train a toddler in the midst of all of that would have been too much for us.
He is cool like that.
note: God's grace is overwhelming even in potty training (and she is also extraordinarily intelligent!) ;)
i want to live
I have a few things to write about but I have either been distracted by something important or I have been distracting myself with pointless things. I am waiting for a clear head to write. One can hope anyway. Sometimes the words come in songs though. I know I post lots of YouTube videos here. I don't do it (just) because I like the music. I post them because on that day that particular song is saying the words I can't seem to put together into sentences on my own. So here is another one. We have a busy weekend ahead but I hope I can stop distracting myself long enough to publish more of my own thoughts. Although they are disjointed and mostly brief ideas, they have been coming often. We are in a good place around here. My heart is full and thankful and overwhelmed by God's love. I want to live like that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)