Today I am thankful that I went to Target to buy some last minute Thanksgiving day items just to get to the register and find my wallet was not in my purse. I walked back through the store and put each item where I got it before abandoning the cart and leaving.
Today I am thankful that after I drove home totally annoyed at a wasted trip in the rain I found my wallet on the floor of the Volvo while I was getting Babydoll out of the car. I could have done without the silent car ride home from my two kids in the back seat and then the words of "Now you are happy, Mommy!" when I found my wallet once parked in the garage. Do my circumstances make me happy/mad or is my joy found in the Lord?
Today I am thankful that because we kind of went hog wild crazy (with a budget) buying stuff for the house after moving in that I didn't spend the money at Target. Who really needs 5-cup Salad or cranberries in the stuffing anyway? The day will go on without them.
Today I am thankful that while I was making dinner My Love walked in the front door with a large bag that was left on the front porch. It was full of presents for the kids from our realtor (a kind of "thanks for the business and congrats on the new house" gesture) and a Target gift card.
Today I am thankful for a God who knows all things. Even details as small as providing more than enough to complete our Thanksgiving dinner menu. I only wish my heart would have been ready and willing to say thank you while living in each disappointing moment today. More missed opportunities. I am choosing to say thank you now Lord.
Sigh.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
i am the whiner
You didn't think I would write a post just complaining about whining did you? Okay maybe I would have done that anyway but not this time. God always has something to teach me from my circumstances. It is not like he is sovereign over every breath except for my daughter's default whining mode. Oh no. There is grace in everything. Even the stuff that drives me crazy.
These days of unending whining have gotten me thinking. It is not always natural to be obedient at the first sound of instruction and eager to please at any cost. No way. When it comes to my relationship with God, I am the whiner. We all can be from time to time. The glaring difference between me and Him as a parent though is his patience is UNENDING. His voice is calm and encouraging in the midst of years of whining. We default into whimpering and complaining so easily. He gently teaches and corrects. He squats down to be at eye level and speaks quietly so we can hush our tears long enough to hear his still small voice. No, it is definitely not natural to obey first time. And yet we expect it from our children. How thankful I am that my Heavenly Father is the perfect parent! I have a lot to learn.
Yes, my daughter might be in a phase of whining every single word that comes out of her mouth. She is one. What is my excuse? Why do I expect anything else from her? We have to learn to be thankful in all circumstances. How am I doing in the "modeling how to do that" department? I am a continual whining work in progress.
These days of unending whining have gotten me thinking. It is not always natural to be obedient at the first sound of instruction and eager to please at any cost. No way. When it comes to my relationship with God, I am the whiner. We all can be from time to time. The glaring difference between me and Him as a parent though is his patience is UNENDING. His voice is calm and encouraging in the midst of years of whining. We default into whimpering and complaining so easily. He gently teaches and corrects. He squats down to be at eye level and speaks quietly so we can hush our tears long enough to hear his still small voice. No, it is definitely not natural to obey first time. And yet we expect it from our children. How thankful I am that my Heavenly Father is the perfect parent! I have a lot to learn.
Yes, my daughter might be in a phase of whining every single word that comes out of her mouth. She is one. What is my excuse? Why do I expect anything else from her? We have to learn to be thankful in all circumstances. How am I doing in the "modeling how to do that" department? I am a continual whining work in progress.
use your words
How did we end up with a whiner? Seriously.
Our sweet little Babydoll is going to turn me gray any day now. Somehow with more language came constant whining. We still haven't learned if it is more affective with her to deal with each issue head on or totally ignore it. Our batting average is low at the home field and away.
It is so humbling to have children. Nothing goes as planned and the balance of figuring out how to parent two kids differently is less of a dance and more of a hot mess.
Sigh.
Parenting has recently become a full time job. What I mean by that is we are constantly trying to scramble and figure out what in the world we are even doing. Yes our oldest human child is turning four in a couple of months and no we still have no idea what we are doing. I mean, we do but we don't. The foundation is there but the rest seems to be blowing in the wind right now. What happened to my structure?!?! As My Love so eloquently stated tonight, "It is like they are both going through the terrible twos at the same time!" Note: Neither of them are two.
Having more than one kid brings a whole new set of parenting challenges. Although we always knew the concept we have just realized we can not parent two different personalities the same way. It is just not possible. But how do you do it in a way that isn't overtly noticeable to both parties and how do you figure out HOW to parent the second one differently?
Time to regroup.
Did I ask you to pray for us yet?
Our sweet little Babydoll is going to turn me gray any day now. Somehow with more language came constant whining. We still haven't learned if it is more affective with her to deal with each issue head on or totally ignore it. Our batting average is low at the home field and away.
It is so humbling to have children. Nothing goes as planned and the balance of figuring out how to parent two kids differently is less of a dance and more of a hot mess.
Sigh.
Parenting has recently become a full time job. What I mean by that is we are constantly trying to scramble and figure out what in the world we are even doing. Yes our oldest human child is turning four in a couple of months and no we still have no idea what we are doing. I mean, we do but we don't. The foundation is there but the rest seems to be blowing in the wind right now. What happened to my structure?!?! As My Love so eloquently stated tonight, "It is like they are both going through the terrible twos at the same time!" Note: Neither of them are two.
Having more than one kid brings a whole new set of parenting challenges. Although we always knew the concept we have just realized we can not parent two different personalities the same way. It is just not possible. But how do you do it in a way that isn't overtly noticeable to both parties and how do you figure out HOW to parent the second one differently?
Time to regroup.
Did I ask you to pray for us yet?
Sunday, November 20, 2011
willing hearts
God has been really busy confirming for us that this new church body is exactly where he wants us to be. They announced today that the Men's prayer meeting that meets EVERY Saturday morning will be moving to the Chick-fil-A three miles from our house. Um, couldn't be more convenient. Oh and the one Life Group that mentioned children being welcome also very close by. I love it when he does that. It makes me feel like he already has some amazing friendships planned for us in those groups. We are excited to make it to one meeting soon.
And then there was the sermon today. To be honest, we have been struggling some with adjusting to a different teaching style from where we just came from but knew that was just about us. The Word was being taught. Today God spoke right to my heart through the sermon and we both just knew this place would be our new Home.
I write the following for my sake...
I was so touched by all he spoke about in Exodus 35 today. God knew exactly what I needed to hear. How Moses had given God's commands to the Israelites for how the work was going to be done before starting to build the Tabernacle (ie. six days a week) then gave VERY specific instructions on how it would be built and asked the people to bring their offerings and gifts. God thinks of every detail, people. The men and women went back to their tents and "all whose hearts were willing" came and brought "their gifts and gave them freely to the LORD".
Then he goes on to identify a couple guys who became the "project managers" and who were filled with the Spirit of God. He had given them all their abilities and expertise and wisdom and skills.
God filled these two guys with his Spirit and equipped them to do all the tasks he created them for. And on top of that, God stirred others hearts to provide all the necessary parts and equipment to build the whole Tabernacle. In fact, they brought more than enough to meet the need.
Why do I spend a moment in fear? If God has called us to do something big for his kingdom than that means he created us for that purpose. All we have to do is come before him with willing hearts who are "eager to work". He will provide everything else.
Keep praying.
And then there was the sermon today. To be honest, we have been struggling some with adjusting to a different teaching style from where we just came from but knew that was just about us. The Word was being taught. Today God spoke right to my heart through the sermon and we both just knew this place would be our new Home.
I write the following for my sake...
I was so touched by all he spoke about in Exodus 35 today. God knew exactly what I needed to hear. How Moses had given God's commands to the Israelites for how the work was going to be done before starting to build the Tabernacle (ie. six days a week) then gave VERY specific instructions on how it would be built and asked the people to bring their offerings and gifts. God thinks of every detail, people. The men and women went back to their tents and "all whose hearts were willing" came and brought "their gifts and gave them freely to the LORD".
Then he goes on to identify a couple guys who became the "project managers" and who were filled with the Spirit of God. He had given them all their abilities and expertise and wisdom and skills.
Exodus 36:
The Lord has gifted Bezalel, Oholiab, and the other skilled craftsmen with wisdom and ability to perform any task involved in building the sanctuary. Let them construct and furnish the Tabernacle, just as the Lord has commanded.
2 So Moses summoned Bezalel and Oholiab and all the others who were specially gifted by the Lord and were eager to get to work. 3 Moses gave them the materials donated by the people of Israel as sacred offerings for the completion of the sanctuary. But the people continued to bring additional gifts each morning. 4 Finally the craftsmen who were working on the sanctuary left their work. 5 They went to Moses and reported, “The people have given more than enough materials to complete the job the Lord has commanded us to do!”
6 So Moses gave the command, and this message was sent throughout the camp: “Men and women, don’t prepare any more gifts for the sanctuary. We have enough!” So the people stopped bringing their sacred offerings. 7 Their contributions were more than enough to complete the whole project.
God filled these two guys with his Spirit and equipped them to do all the tasks he created them for. And on top of that, God stirred others hearts to provide all the necessary parts and equipment to build the whole Tabernacle. In fact, they brought more than enough to meet the need.
Why do I spend a moment in fear? If God has called us to do something big for his kingdom than that means he created us for that purpose. All we have to do is come before him with willing hearts who are "eager to work". He will provide everything else.
Keep praying.
storms will be coming
We are going through a rough patch around here. Normally I like to read comments so I can know I have been heard by someone out there. But not today. Today you will not be able to comment. Today the words just come from me for me.
God continues to do amazing things in spite of us. He is confirming his call on our lives from all angles and we are moving forward on the same page faster than we ever have on a single issue before. It is like God is posing the same questions in each of our hearts regarding foster parenting and adopting and answering them in the same way faster than we can bounce the topic off each other. Life is moving in hyper speed and we are lagging behind.
I am struggling internally with the Lord. Such a strange feeling to KNOW completely what God's will is for your life and yet doubt it 100%. I started to regret sharing any information here. "If I hadn't opened my mouth maybe we could just stop all of this and pretend like none of it happened," I thought. The cat is out of the bag now isn't it? Why do I always do that? Make these big announcements about all God is going to do before I have my seat belt buckled. He knew I would do it and he knew I would feel this way about it. I guess I am thankful I wrote about our desire to foster so you would all pray for us. Part of me wonders if I will really write much more on the topic until it becomes a lot more real. But who am I kidding? If it is on my mind and heart than God put it there for a reason. I just hesitate to drag you all along on this rough journey with us. I am sure one or two of you might even think we are crazy. Then pray for us harder.
Even though we know we would never want to "pretend like none of this happened" the voice of fears and unknowns are growing in my head. A voice that I know is not of the Lord and yet I choose to listen for awhile just to have a practical stand point.
Oh Lord, I REALLY don't think my heart will be able to handle this. The stories we have heard have been difficult to hear. 8 month old twins staring up at their foster parents confused because they had hardly ever been held before. Kids with filing cabinets full of records on all they have been through. Oh Lord, please send someone to adopt them. Letting a child into your life and family for a whole year before they were returned to their birth family. "If I did it again I would draw better lines between our kids and the foster kids. After awhile you just forget that there is a difference," a new friend told us. Sending a child back into a situation you know is bad and may never hear from again. You know...the kind of stories that come with talking to others who have walked the road with the Lord and spur you to action and yet make you afraid to even give your heart to be used by God at all. Somehow knowing it is going to hurt just makes it harder.
Oh Lord, the Enemy keeps telling me my marriage and family will not be able to handle this. Strengthen us Lord. I stand in awe at how you had birthed this in My Love's heart years before me. How you have spoken to us directly and clearly in the same way about every issue regarding fostering/adopting in the last two weeks. Each confirmation is another I-Love-You from my Lord and yet I listen to the lies...or rather worldly realities. Self is creeping in and more than ever it feels like we NEED to plant our feet in a sold cement foundation three inches from each other. The storms will be coming and Satan is quick to tell us our house of cards will come crashing down. So we dive in head first to the Word seeking to know it more now than ever.
But even with the threat of heartache and family stress, the pain we feel waiting is compounding. How is it possible this only came about two weeks ago? Oh but of course it didn't. God wrote it before the beginning of time and has been whispering his plan to us along the road of our lives. We can not wait to get started. Every time we think about our little babes being out there somewhere our hearts break a little more. Bring them quickly Lord.
I don't feel strong enough for this journey and yet that is exactly the point.
God continues to do amazing things in spite of us. He is confirming his call on our lives from all angles and we are moving forward on the same page faster than we ever have on a single issue before. It is like God is posing the same questions in each of our hearts regarding foster parenting and adopting and answering them in the same way faster than we can bounce the topic off each other. Life is moving in hyper speed and we are lagging behind.
I am struggling internally with the Lord. Such a strange feeling to KNOW completely what God's will is for your life and yet doubt it 100%. I started to regret sharing any information here. "If I hadn't opened my mouth maybe we could just stop all of this and pretend like none of it happened," I thought. The cat is out of the bag now isn't it? Why do I always do that? Make these big announcements about all God is going to do before I have my seat belt buckled. He knew I would do it and he knew I would feel this way about it. I guess I am thankful I wrote about our desire to foster so you would all pray for us. Part of me wonders if I will really write much more on the topic until it becomes a lot more real. But who am I kidding? If it is on my mind and heart than God put it there for a reason. I just hesitate to drag you all along on this rough journey with us. I am sure one or two of you might even think we are crazy. Then pray for us harder.
Even though we know we would never want to "pretend like none of this happened" the voice of fears and unknowns are growing in my head. A voice that I know is not of the Lord and yet I choose to listen for awhile just to have a practical stand point.
Oh Lord, I REALLY don't think my heart will be able to handle this. The stories we have heard have been difficult to hear. 8 month old twins staring up at their foster parents confused because they had hardly ever been held before. Kids with filing cabinets full of records on all they have been through. Oh Lord, please send someone to adopt them. Letting a child into your life and family for a whole year before they were returned to their birth family. "If I did it again I would draw better lines between our kids and the foster kids. After awhile you just forget that there is a difference," a new friend told us. Sending a child back into a situation you know is bad and may never hear from again. You know...the kind of stories that come with talking to others who have walked the road with the Lord and spur you to action and yet make you afraid to even give your heart to be used by God at all. Somehow knowing it is going to hurt just makes it harder.
Oh Lord, the Enemy keeps telling me my marriage and family will not be able to handle this. Strengthen us Lord. I stand in awe at how you had birthed this in My Love's heart years before me. How you have spoken to us directly and clearly in the same way about every issue regarding fostering/adopting in the last two weeks. Each confirmation is another I-Love-You from my Lord and yet I listen to the lies...or rather worldly realities. Self is creeping in and more than ever it feels like we NEED to plant our feet in a sold cement foundation three inches from each other. The storms will be coming and Satan is quick to tell us our house of cards will come crashing down. So we dive in head first to the Word seeking to know it more now than ever.
But even with the threat of heartache and family stress, the pain we feel waiting is compounding. How is it possible this only came about two weeks ago? Oh but of course it didn't. God wrote it before the beginning of time and has been whispering his plan to us along the road of our lives. We can not wait to get started. Every time we think about our little babes being out there somewhere our hearts break a little more. Bring them quickly Lord.
I don't feel strong enough for this journey and yet that is exactly the point.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
hold on tight
It is going to be a wild ride.
God showed up yesterday. After posting here, a friend who is currently involved in the adoption process sent me a text about a possible opportunity in our state.
I lost my breathe. I mean, we weren't ready for this. It is too soon. We weren't planning on disrupting the birth order. We hadn't talked about some important logistics yet...like was adoption imminent or were we content just fostering. What was God planning?
We won't be adopting quite yet but God used that message to communicate something very important to us.
IT IS NOT ABOUT US!
and...
WE SHOULD PROBABLY BE PREPARED FOR GOD TO MOVE QUICKLY!
Breathe.
"Is it bad to put guidelines on what we are willing to accept from the Lord?" Adam asked me.
We are praying. Praying for this boy who needs a family. Praying that God would prepare our hearts for whatever he has planned for us. Praying for wisdom and discernment about what would be best for our other children during this phase of their childhood as more opportunities arise.
I contacted our county yesterday. They are sending me some info through the mail. We live in the northside of our city which is technically in a different county. By God's design I'm sure. We were told we could foster in any county, but I think we will start in our place of residence first.
This is really happening. And probably faster than we think.
Exhale.
We won't be adopting quite yet but God used that message to communicate something very important to us.
IT IS NOT ABOUT US!
and...
WE SHOULD PROBABLY BE PREPARED FOR GOD TO MOVE QUICKLY!
Breathe.
"Is it bad to put guidelines on what we are willing to accept from the Lord?" Adam asked me.
We are praying. Praying for this boy who needs a family. Praying that God would prepare our hearts for whatever he has planned for us. Praying for wisdom and discernment about what would be best for our other children during this phase of their childhood as more opportunities arise.
I contacted our county yesterday. They are sending me some info through the mail. We live in the northside of our city which is technically in a different county. By God's design I'm sure. We were told we could foster in any county, but I think we will start in our place of residence first.
This is really happening. And probably faster than we think.
Exhale.
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